Chewing the Cud, Choking on Grass

Weekends never tarry. They come slowly and leave quickly every time. Just when I needed more time, a new day announces itself in the form of the time and date on the system tray. It was a balmy Sunday and there I was, hunched over the LCD reading – from bootstrap analysis to enteropathogenic E. coli. Those journal articles and web pages took about 5 hours to complete.

Now, I wouldn’t remember a single thing, much less understand what I was reading, if I didn’t punctuate those 1 – 6 pm period with some less demanding materials. I trawled the net looking for graduate schools offering doctoral degrees in varsities all over the world, stopping at Singapore, Ghent, Seattle, Oregon and somehow I got caught up in the breathtaking view of Montana.

Alas, that tiny but mounting desire to pursue a doctorate was snuffed out. To digress, my decision to jump into postgraduate studies in 2008 was because I felt inadequate as a graduate. It’s a deception for anyone to think that after three years, one is qualified and competent; not me and definitely not here in Malaysia. It’s purely for knowledge and to better train myself; which is why I wasn’t in a rush to complete everything in under a year.

Now when I’m ready to take my life as a student / researcher to the next level, I’m faced with the prospect of having to give it all up and settle for a job somewhere in the country. All I could hope for is that my government establishes (and broadens bilateral) ties with more countries as far as education is concerned.

That light at the end of the road (?). One evening on the North-South Expressway

From Sweden to Switzerland, scholarships are offered to students from a rather long list of developing countries and when you thought your country is there somewhere (owing to a number of high profile pacts with MIT, Johns Hopkins, and scholarships to Harvard), you’re stupefied to not see your country in it but your neighbours are there.

Maybe my government is committed only to world class (assuming the rest aren’t) education in renowned institutions and I’m better off applying here at home. Then it hits me: the selection process is shady and reeks of biasness.

Some would say to me, if I’m so good why don’t I seek out scholarships from my institution of choice? To which I answer, even if I know I’m damn good, how am I going to raise that sum of money for the flight ticket and the fees for the first term so I can get registered to be eligible? Still, many will come with many propositions without knowing the state I’m in. Also, I'm not one that will just settle for the next convenient pasture and do something I'm totally not interested in.

I’m in good spirit, still. One more channel to pursue: USM’s Academic Staff Training Scheme. Upon completion of studies, there’s a 7-year bond to the varsity. Ready for another bad news? The selection process is like what I mentioned before and I know who will be in the panel. Ah, life on Earth sure is colourful! Let’s hope when (if that happens) I get selected, I’d be able to charm them with whatever appeal that’s left in me – nothing much to begin with.

So, those research and sulking took all afternoon and come dinnertime, I was swallowing the spaghetti, mushroom and mussels. After that, it’s another few hours of protein folding, oxidative damage, and metering in photography.

Just before calling it a [backbreaking, shoulder-hurting, and heart-hairline-craking] day, I said “hey” to a friend on MSN only to get a cold response. Well, problems of the heart ain’t easy for some so I smiled, gave her my best, and said good night.

My obsession with the sun (sigh): One morning whilst cruising along Gurney Drive.

 So, here I am. I’m supposed to post something about the ocean, underwater trenches and a sinusoidal graph here but I think I’m no longer in the mood for that. Time to dream of shopping at the Portland Farmers Market and wander the streets of Bruges.