Whispering in the Dark

Hello World!

Ah, those two words marked my foray into the world of programming. Back in varsity, I’m presented with two choices for a compulsory subject: Calculus or Programming (in C++). Being the idiot in math, I’d naturally go for computer stuff. How wrong I was; to think it’s about writing a working program. We have to work out the mathematical formulae to calculate the value of some spheres and some stuff about progression. I wonder how I survived that one.

Oh, I’m getting pretty good at C++ now besides Visual Basic and Java. Thanks to the fantastic books by John Smiley from the library. The best thing is that I don’t have to cram everything in 14 weeks. Just go at my own pace in a "simulated classroom atmosphere"

Stock from stock.xchng

It’s 1:32 AM right now and I can hear the revving from a performance exhaust in the distance. Saturday nights are never old, are they? I looked out my window just now and pretended I saw that beautiful skyline of Portland, Oregon. I don’t know, besides aurora and some deserted highlands, I love looking at randomly-lit cityscapes with their reflections on the water. Call me short-sighted since Johor might look just as great at night when viewed from across the strait in Singapore. The Kuching waterfront too, for that matter. Still, I like the night time view of the Red Square in Moscow, New York, Tallinn, Chicago, Bruges, and many more places fitting my inadequate description. Speaking of New York, CSI:NY and The Apprentice did well to win me over; yellow cabs, dark buildings, dark orangey sky, and steam rising up from some manhole or pipe.

Anyway, if you’d rummage through my archive you’d see my other make-believe journeys to Vienna and my favourite places: Arizona, Colorado, Utah, and New Mexico; although I didn’t make a direct reference to them. Back then (and I still do), I was thinking about mountains, valleys, and plains.

Eyes are getting heavy. I’ve just finished answering questions on YAHOO! ANSWERS. Figured, earlier, that since I’ve got nothing to do, maybe I’d help the folks out in Biology but I ended up answering more questions in the Relationship section, telling smitten kids to go easy (you know what I mean), giving my two cents to lovelorn guys, and imploring pregnant mothers to stay off alcohol – sending them to CDC’s site on Fetal Alcohol Spectrum Disorders (FASD). Ha! What’s gotten to me? Too much damaging “answers’ on Y!A maybe? I'm not a pro and with failures of my own, I'm just another person who 'understands' what the other person goes through.

Time to turn in. Good night. Or спокойной ночи . Yes, I’m glad to announce I can read Russian now but I don’t understand [virtually] a word of what I read. I’d need Google translate for that. Learning the Russian alphabets is fun and easy. Try it sometime. Takes no more than 4 hours and a few hours each day, thereafter, to recap. Hope life's treating everyone well. I'm not feeling particularly happy but I hope I did some good for someone among the 6 billion. =)

 

One Cent at a Time

Dear Sir,

You have to pay RM 750 prior to handing in 10 copies of your thesis. Pay up!

Well, I’ve summarized the contents of the letter I received from the varsity's Institute of Postgraduate Studies today. They weren’t that blunt but still, they’re asking me for money.

Anyway, it did occur to me where and how I’m going to come up with that amount without clearing out my savings. I guess it’s one of those times when one’s faith is being tested.

Did I mention I landed myself a job? I haven’t replied to the email yet but before you think it’s some four figure salary kind of job, it’s just a part time job. What I have to do is write articles and for an article of about 500 words, I get paid RM 5. That's about a cent per word. So, RM 745 left to go if, and when, I finished my first article.

Hmm... Do I sound distressed? Honestly, I’m fine here. And it’s Friday. Time sure flies when you’ve made an appointment with the dentist. Speaking of the dentist, I was told I might have to pay a small amount [in the range of 0 – 50]. Let’s see how it went.

That’s just a fraction of what people pay in private hospitals. I think private dental clinics charge that much too. Last I heard, it costs four hundred ringgit per tooth to four grand if one chooses to stay for a few days. Ah, fortunate people.

I know the reactions of some people when they hear the word “government” or “public”. But I’ve had some pleasant experience in the past so yeah; I’ll put my money there. That is if I have to pay at all. Alright, enough of dentists and hospitals for now. This is what I watched before I typed this. So, click and watch it. Its 10 cents per view for the kids in Kenya.

Here’s Jubilee Project’s Picture This. A fundraiser with The Supply Education Group. Enjoy!

 

Bracing Myself

Exactly a week from now around this time, I can be sure that I’ll be holding an ice pack to my left cheek. We (PKC and myself) made an appointment to see the dentist to remove our wisdom teeth (or in my case, tooth; but it’s still teeth for him).

Whilst he’s in some kind of pain, I’m feeling some throbbing sensation to my impacted mandibular third molar every now and then. The decision to get it extracted was made due, in part, to the fact that I’d like to enjoy the food at Kak Mimi’s open house during Hari Raya. Also, it’s unnerving to wait for the day when the area around my impacted tooth finally gets infected and then things would get really complicated.

I’m more afraid of the post-operative pain [stemming from alveolar osteitis] than the extraction process. But as shown on YouTube, the process is rather bloody. I’ve spent hours reading (generally and on scientific journals) about wisdom tooth extraction the all the possible side effects. Let’s hope things go well, especially the three days after surgery.

Funny. I’ve been linking an impacted tooth to life. Somehow if things are supposed to be removed, they’d get removed. And it’s always the aftermath that people feel the full weight (is this a correct word?) of the whole affair – the pain; dull, pulsating, throbbing, and sometimes searing. I’m just imagining the pain. I promise to describe them in detail soon after it heals, alright?

For now, I’m in the mood for some nice music. And I’m being nice (always have been, no?) by sharing it with you.

Here’s Christian Kane with Thinking of You. Look up the lyrics and see it they mean anything to you. I’m too lazy to dissect them. I'm sorry. (“,)

 

Dating My Friends

January 13; February 13, 16, and 25; March 25, and 28; April 22; May 5, and 15; October 10; November 6, 17, and 21; and December 31. There you go, dates served up by my about-a-quarter-of-a-century mind. I’m not trying to prove anything other than the fact that I have people to wish on their birthday on both halves of the year.

Ok. That was a pathetic attempt to breathe some gaiety into the opening lines. But, it’s a Friday! Why the dates, you might ask? Well, one of the simplest things to remember about people and one that doesn’t change is the date of birth. And then on to more personalized preferences such as color, food, clothing, and the sometimes quirky list goes on.

Does the act of remembering or simply having a good memory the hallmark of a worthy friend? Nay, don’t think so. After all, it’s just natural we put all the dates into Google Calendar. Wait, Facebook will do a better job. *winks*

I’d like to think of myself as a trustworthy and a dependable person to all my friends. It’s not that I’m forced or anything. I’d just do whatever I can knowing full well that I’m human too – that there’s every possibility that I’d fail sometimes.

Be it malware, blue screens of death, 8100030d errors, toothache, dying pets, or YouTube links, I’d attend to them all. Weird right? Come to think about those things, I’m thankful because it felt really good after that; knowing that the binaries are back where they should belong. Oh, if it weren’t for those Youtube links on my IM, I wouldn’t have heard of WongFu Productions (yet) or be treated to some of the nicest music. Yes, I enjoyed the MADtv skits, too, but I much prefer Russell Peters.

Still, sometimes I’m tempted to go, “Told ya. Serves you right.”

That’s when their legs got bitten off swimming in a shark infested area despite being amply warned beforehand. I suppose I’d rather have a limbless friend than a dead one. Here comes J!

So, take 5 minutes and think of someone close to you – someone who used to be – and see how many things you recall about that person. Most importantly, think of something noteworthy each of you did for the other.

Done? Pray for that person.

And I’d leave you will the following words by Maya Angelou,

...people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.

Good night, people.

The author believes in giving everyone (friends and family) his best because they deserve it. Although dating means more than just a romantic courtship or some sort of meeting, the results that Google return usually points to that sort of dating. He recommends adding the word 'radioactive' in front of the search query.

 

The Little Boy at the Window

So, I went to the mall (Gurney Plaza) today in search of some postcards. I have MPH bookstore in mind too since I’ve been patronizing Borders (at Queensbay Mall) in the past years. If you don’t already know, virtually all bookstores here in Malaysia are located in malls. No one would want to read of my love for books and bookstores so I’ll just stop here.

But, I love spending my time there. Alright, I won’t say anymore. I promise.

[Fast forward to my making payment at the counter and walking out of the place]

I walked past a crowd of tourist milling outside Artist Gallery, the music and home entertainment store. Funny that they sell DVDs instead of artworks. Maybe "artist" is missing an “e”. Anyway, I continued walking. This time passing a Logitech store and both the G25 and G27 racing wheels caught my attention. Complete with a bucket seat and a wide screen TV.

"These are rich kids’ toys," I thought to myself.

Not feeling anything negative in particular although I must admit that my eyes used gleam when met with one of these units on display. Ah, what are simulation racing games without a proper wheel...

Anyway, after I passed by mobile phone and camera (one of my interests) retailers, I reached Evolution Music House. A very different ambience greeted me. I stood in front of the store but not directly at the entrance; more like a few feet to the left near the huge glass window. Pianos and keyboards at one corner, guitars suspended on the racks bolted to the wall, and drum sets on a raised platform screaming their brands at me.

There are reasons I stopped and peered into the place. The guitars. The man – I think the employee on hindsight – at the piano playing one of the most soothing tunes I’ve heard. But a family of four was the focal point. They were at the guitar section. Mum attending to the lil’ guy whilst the younger daughter looked on. Perhaps her turn at the piano will come soon. And dad was talking to one employer near the counter.

I was genuinely happy at what I saw. So much so I felt my lips pursed into a slight smile. Parents taking interest in their children and letting them choose what they like instead of imposing on them. Yes, I don’t know why they were there or the reason behind why mum and dad wanted to start their kids on music, but it’s so nice to see how involved they were.

For what I didn’t have then, I wasn’t feeling rueful nor am I now. After all, I can always teach myself to play [the guitar or any other things] like what I’m doing now. It’s just one of those days when you’re delighted with what you see.

Perhaps, I’d write about loving parents missing their child’s needs and ended up stifling them next.

 

Life as I Know It

[I] have been rather sedentary lately. But unlike the pictures that may be popping up in your mind when I mention sedentary, I’m sitting as opposed to lying down and I’m facing my laptop instead of the television. Well, I do turn to see what’s on the TV screen every now and then.

So what have I been up to lately? For a start, I did a lot of thinking (which is quite usual) and a lot less hop-skipping on the net from blogs to blogs or from videos to videos (on Youtube). I’ve taken up, rather seriously, digital art / photo-manipulation. Serious sounded like I need to do that or I’d be out on the streets but actually, it’s more like I’m spending a lot more time on Gimp (I'm not rich enough to afford Photoshop) working on images and creating new stuff. If only I’d show such dedication when working on my thesis.

The deviantART logo by *Utao. How nice is that?

Besides noting (and sketching) down ideas for poems (and art), I’m making good progress on the fretboard of my guitar; at least that’s what I’d like to think. You see, I can’t sing and I’m not even the “bathroom singer” type. So much for music, eh? Photography and videography would be the two things I’d like to get my hands into. Too much theory on these subjects amounts to nothing if I don’t even know how to handle the equipments, yes? I think I’m going to put these on hold since what I’m currently doing costs nearly nothing. Yes, I’m broke. But I’m not brought up and taught to spend thoughtlessly either.

These days, all I make in the kitchen (that is if I am in the kitchen) is... instant noodle. See? I’m not even “making” things now. I’m “preparing”. Gone were the pizza-making days (and chapatti too), chicken schnitzels and the good ol’ oriental dishes. Man, times are hard indeed.

Jack of all trades, master of none. Familiar? It’s for self-satisfaction that I do what I do, really. After all, it’s only a matter of time when my life will be dedicated to “tilling the ground and eat my food with sweat running from my brow” (paraphrasing mine). I’d no longer have time picking up new things. As it stands now, I have yet to decide what I’m going to do with my life. *jumping in delight*

Time to look up the [part time] job ads, work on my deviation (as artistic products are called on deviantART), and have a look at my thesis. Maybe I should take some time off to visit my first love, reading.

 

Mile Marker 418: End of a Chapter

So, here’s the end of the journey. By that I mean the end of a colourful and a very memorable period of my life yet. I’d use the entire adjectives in the English lexicon but still, I wouldn’t be able to reproduce that wonderful feeling in everyone reading this.

They’re special in their own way – conspicuous or otherwise. Every mention of the lab and every piece of picture evoked both gladness and a tinge of poignancy: glad to have established that bond and poignant because two years ain’t enough.

I’m well aware that there will be (and there has been) a getting together but it’s different. Like most people, we always hope that the good things don’t go away. Still, I’m happy to see them all settled down in their respective locations and I’m worried when one or two complain about work-related illness.

The bond is real, the mirth genuine, and the openness something to envy. We’re not pretentious and that love we display beats the grandiosity in which racial integration is being portrayed in the media. If we’re anything to go by, then what people see on the silver screen promoting racial harmony is everything but. We don’t need a list of standard protocols because we’ve achieved that.

Here's more food to mark our mates' departure: Asyura - undergraduates - Kak Mimi - undergraduates & birthday celebration

Regardless whether they’re undergraduate students on a relatively short sojourn or a postgraduate researcher with a seemingly endless amount of work to do, these people deserve a mention. A shout out to them that has appeared in Mile Marker 418: Loh Keat Lay, Mimi Taib, Poh Keng Chong, Teh Boon Aun, Lim Wui Chen, Lim Gaik Ling, Firdaus Latif, Shamimah Parveen, Nur Asyura, V. Kithalakshmi, Kelvin Swee Chuan Wei, Erna, Kang Wen Tyng, Khairiah, Shi Rou, Amira Suriaty, Rajiv Ravi, Sinan, Kiourmasi, Joanne Lee Yenping, Haw Boon Ping, Yusof, Yen Ying, Xiao Wei, Eric, Sok Wah, Shau Leong, and not wanting anyone to be last in the list, me.

I hold each and everyone close to my heart.

BERSIH 2.0: Looking Back and Looking Forward

Post-709. Damage control in progress. Still, I couldn’t believe my ears (or eyes, for that matter) when I get to know how the rally is being attacked (by the local mainstream media of course) and the support the rally got from the people, both at home and abroad, downplayed.

As the Prime Minister (I thought he’d do better) continues to be in denial, videos and photographs controverting his statements, claims, and praises [for the police] are aplenty. I felt really sad to watch how the police kicked one dude in the CS smokescreen. That’s low!

Here a nice vid I watched some moments ago. And videos such as this should be easy to find on Youtube now. Look out for the girl who shouted [back at the police I think] near the end of the video. That one gripped me! I think it was her anguish that I felt then.

And taking the acronym WYSIWYG, I suppose that words on the streets were true after all.

Anyway, after the rally, the #bersihstories hashtag was trending on Twitter. And this site here has the tweets. Head on over to bersihstories.

Lastly, I’d like to pay tribute to Madam Annie Ooi (or Aunty Annie a.k.a Aunty BERSIH). She, like the man in my previous post, attended the rally and their firmness of purpose touched me (and everyone else I’m sure). They have nothing to gain from all this except making this country a better place to live in for the younger generations.

Aunty Annie

This is the Facebook page created for her: Aunty Bersih – The lady of liberty

Of course, things aren’t that bad everywhere. Some had it better in other hotspots. And there are many who played “medic”, helping fellow Malaysians being overwhelmed by teargas and chemical-laced water. I salute them.

It was a day when we got together as Malaysians, stood (err... walked?) for a common cause, and shouted in one tongue. That, people, is the making of a better Malaysia.

 

BERSIH 2.0: We've Done Ourselves Proud

At home and abroad.

It’s over. I’ve been following the updates closely and I must say, at times I felt the lachrymal glands acting up. BERSIH is, and always has been, a peaceful gathering by members of the civil society. Of course, many things aren't going to show in the mainstream media tonight and tomorrow.

The same can’t be said about our men in blue though. Words on the ground may be exaggerated but if you read about the same thing for over 2 hours, that couldn’t have been lies. And oh, teargas was fired into the compounds of Tung Shin Hospital. Click here for pictures of the rally by Azlan Zamhari.

All in all, hundreds – including BERSIH Chairperson Ambiga Sreenevasan – were arrested (over 600 according to the number on the Police’s Facebook page). Teargas and water cannons were fired into crowds of people armed with only their desire to clamour for electoral reforms.

Shaking hands with the men in blue. See? They're supposed to protect us, not--

At 4 pm, they dispersed. For these people who began trickling into the city in the morning, it was a time when they’re Malaysian. It was a time when they’re not identified by the colour of their skin. For decades, we’re driven apart and taught to alienate one another. I truly hope today taught us what it means to be Malaysians. After all, we’re called Malaysians when we’re abroad.

Speaking of Malaysians at-large, the rally Down Under was a success. A stark contrast compared to how the crowds were greeted back home. I’ve spent some time gathering the photos and I’m sure in a week or so, the Global BERSIH 2.0 rally will have a complete collection. Click here for BERSIH the world over.

Good job, Malaysians. It’s a shame I stayed home today whilst this man walked with the rest.

Hidup rakyat!

[Edit: Here's the link to photos of the Global BERSIH 2.0 gatherings/ralllies]

BERSIH 2.0

[Edit 1214, July 9: I'm following Live updates on anilnetto.com and on LoyarBurok]

What a week it’s been: mass arrest, an audience with the King, and reneged words. I wonder if we’d made it to the list of “Top Ten Places You Have To Laugh At Before You Die” yet. See, by now many so called patriots (not the UMNO Youth’s Patriot movement) would have branded me a traitor. It’s spun in such a way that the moment you speak out against the government of the day, you’re an anarchist; hell-bent on destroying the country. It doesn’t matter if it’s a call against corruption or a rare earth processing plant.

As I’m typing this, some roads in Kuala Lumpur are closed and traffic diverted. The picture I saw does seem like a lockdown, which reminds me of scenes in The Siege. And nobody knows how the rally (and counter-rally) is going to turn out tomorrow at 2 pm.

Hii doing his one-man protest in support of Bersih in PJ. He was later detained. -The Malaysian Insider. Story here.

One thing’s for sure, BERSIH 2.0 has gone global. At least outside the country, these folks who gather will not be faced with possible arrests, threats by martial artists, or be called anarchists. Perhaps the best thing is that nobody will get arrested for wearing something yellow. The following listing was obtained from here:

UTC + 12 – New Zealand - http://on.fb.me/jMlCwc
UTC + 10 – Canberra, Australia - http://on.fb.me/kBLI2H
UTC + 10 – Sydney, Australia - http://on.fb.me/j0RzYt
UTC + 10 – Melbourne, Australia - http://on.fb.me/j0rDf1
UTC + 10 – Hobart, Australia - http://on.fb.me/jP0MWL
UTC + 10 – Adelaide, Australia - http://on.fb.me/klaDdS
UTC + 10 – Brisbane, Australia - http://on.fb.me/imhKwv
UTC + 09 – Osaka, Japan - http://on.fb.me/mUGxvB
UTC + 09 – Seoul, Korea - http://on.fb.me/lgB4oQ
UTC + 08 – Manila, Philippines – URL pending
UTC + 08 – Perth, Australia - http://on.fb.me/lihTnU
UTC + 08 – Taipei, Taiwan - http://on.fb.me/mIEOGW
UTC + 08 – Hong Kong - http://on.fb.me/lxYT2E
UTC + 08 – Singapore - http://on.fb.me/l87wNS
UTC + 07 – Bangkok, Thailand - http://on.fb.me/mmyiWc
UTC + 09 – Jakarta, Indonesia – URL pending
UTC + 02 – Egypt - http://on.fb.me/r4fvC2
UTC + 02 – Switzerland - http://on.fb.me/lQq8qB
UTC + 02 – Stockholm, Sweden - http://on.fb.me/kfrxAK
UTC + 01 – Austria - http://on.fb.me/kH9gBn
UTC + 01 – Paris, France - http://on.fb.me/joKlVQ
UTC + 00 – United Kingdom - http://on.fb.me/kQ9fsQ
UTC + 00 – Scotland - http://on.fb.me/kAefYr
UTC + 00 – Ireland - http://on.fb.me/pvu7iJ
UTC – 04 – Ottawa, Canada - http://on.fb.me/kb5OY4
UTC – 04 – New York City - http://on.fb.me/lWrJ8l
UTC – 04 – Washington DC, USA - http://on.fb.me/l9XgH0
UTC – 06 – Chicago, USA - http://on.fb.me/rjGpaq
UTC – 07 – San Francisco, USA - http://on.fb.me/jehClH
UTC – 07 – Los Angeles, USA - http://on.fb.me/iBJgM3

I sure hope everything would go smoothly later. Let’s see if it pans out. I look forward to pictures of the gathering in the cities around the world. You might be thinking why I’m not already in KL. Fact is, I gave the rally a long, hard thought. But I didn’t think I’d afford the trip there and the lodging too. If I’m still receiving my monthly stipend from my scholarship then I’d have typed this in a room somewhere in the city.

And whilst we're fixating on the rally, let us not forget those detained in connection to the rally; particularly the six from Parti Sosialis Malaysia (Socialist Party of Malaysia). I remember asking my friend, "What communism?"

“I would like to thank everyone who is supporting us by the hours, prayers, urgent appeals etc.The 6 of us have not broken any laws and our crime is that we are socialists and we are attempting to put the issues affecting the poorer 60 per cent of Malaysians in the national agenda. eg. Hospital privatisation, minimum wage and decent wages.

Our detention is totally unwarranted and we are working within the democratic framework.“Udahlah bersaralah“ campaign which involves pamphlet distribution and awareness calls for people to think properly for the General Election. The action and activity is totally within the democratic space allowed by Constitution.
Sad to see, higher ups in police unable to differentiate national and constitutional rights from the political party in power. Stand up for democratic rights and let us not allow this kind of intimidation hold us back.

* Dr Jeyakumar Devaraj is the Sungai Siput MP and is currently detained with 5 others under the Emergency Ordinance. His arrest is related to his involvement with the upcoming Bersih rally.

Source: Susan Loone's blog

You might want to read:

Running Scared in Malaysia by former US Ambassador to Malaysia, John Malott

 

The Faces in Facebook

Created (again) a Facebook account for myself late last night after I found out that I don’t have a friend’s email address. Somehow, it never got saved automatically like it should each time I replied to a mail. So, like it or not, I have to “get in touch” with this particular guy via Facebook. It doesn’t help that he’s currently in India.

Love the effects on the Facebook logo

Once I got everything set up, I sent a message and went to bed. When I got up this morning, I expected a reply or none at all; considering how busy he gets treating the sick. Instead, I got 22 notifications for friend requests; the first a little after midnight and the last at about six in the morning. Now, you must think I’m somewhat flattered, right? Wrong.

But I was amused. Going through the list, I came across some names that I don’t even know. Seriously. Over the course of the day, I accepted (and added a few) a total of 18 and as I’m typing this, another 19 is awaiting action. Gosh!

I said I was amused because there’s one thing in common among them all. Make no mistake, these are people I know and they’re my friends – in the not-hostile-therefore-friends kind of friends. Sorry I digressed. As I was saying, the one common thing I see here is that these folks have so many friends that even Pavarotti will turn green with envy.

Give me thirty and I’d have a hard time meeting all of them and to catch up with them. We’re talking numbers upwards of 300 here. Three hundred?! Whatever for? I’m going to let you draw the conclusions about them and their friends.

As for me, I prefer the good old way of email (you see, snail mails are too slow and we’re asked to save the trees) and a phone call every now and then. We even have SMS. Not to mention, instant messaging clients too. Already, these new avenues of helping people “keep in touch” are making communications less err... Heartfelt? Now everyone’s into social voyeurism. We care, but only on the latest and juiciest of news. So, someone’s In A Relationship now. Jane Doe is mad with her boyfriend. I mean, even if you want to send your condolences, go to the family, sit down and mourn with them. Look them in the eye and assure them. Not post on the deceased's wall like he or she is going to read it.

I’m not against Facebook or any other social networking sites. It’s just that people learn to take friendship for granted. A relationship isn’t some short binaries nor is it sustained by the number of “Likes” and “Pokes”. True that it’s one way, and a cheap one, to communicate and say hi but there’s where it ends. I’d love to meet and yak over a cuppa. After all, L-O-L means much more than three letters when the optical and auditory nerves pick them up.

One thing that often happens (even in internet forums, mind you) is that texts we read are mere texts. It’s so easy to misinterpret the mood of the author without the intonation and expressions.

Of course , I didn’t want to be part of someone’s listings as just another number. These are mere embellishments by people on a quest to hit some number and most in that listings are either doing the same thing or simply forgotten.

Did I mention that I deeply appreciate the hype created by some friends for my "homecoming" to FB? Great people. Both within and without the net. Three cheers for them!

Did I also mention that I’m still considering if I should be here for just a fortnight and then get out after my initial goal has been achieved?

 

Letting Go

It’s been an eventful (or uneventful depending on how you wish to see it) day. I’ve replaced the strings on the guitar and spent some back-breaking time getting it in tune, for now.

Then there’s Youtube. As usual, I have my daily routine of [feather] weights and crunches. Boy, I’ve lost so much weight for the past two months; not that I’m fat to begin with.

As I wind down, I realize that there’s only so much one can do and try as we might, sometimes things just don’t go the way we’d have wished them to go. Be it as it may, we’d take comfort knowing that nothing ever happens by chance or by accident. I know that God is in control. It’s just the matter of yielding to God.

Sometimes, the fist ought to be opened or grip relaxed and we let go what we’ve been holding on to. Only then can we raise our hands in surrender; not admitting defeat, instead, to acknowledge the sovereignty of God.

Whoever said letting go of something or someone is always easy? But if it’s meant to be that way, then we’d have to be gracious about it. I’d like to remind myself, and anyone reading of course, that nothing ever happens by chance. And things occur for a reason, even if we’d never know what it is. Not now.

 

Thinking of Me: Niceties

It’s almost lunch time and I left my water bottle at home. Either I’m getting old or my mind’s somewhere else. Or maybe, just maybe, you’re thinking it’s with someone else. All I think of, besides completing my thesis, is me.

I’m thinking whether my being nice and all could mock me one day. I’m thinking whether my being cordial with people could leave me high and dry. Was I being too nice? Should I be glad or feel plain stupid?

Not that I’m looking to change or anything like that. It’s just that I feel that nice people, or in my case nice guys, seems to be on the losing end. Knowing me, some might think I’m too obsessed with nigahiga’s Nice Guys or with Wong Fu Productions’ Just A Nice Guy. Fact is, I loved both the videos and I think there’s some truth in them. Not gospel but a ubiquitous occurrence. I’ll leave it to you to judge but do finish all three parts of Just A Nice Guy even if you hate Asians.

I know all too well about preserving what I have and getting all teary in quiet. I know the feeling of being used and left unappreciated. But I never forget the smiles and thanks I get from being myself, nice. At this point, you’d think I’m looking for recognition and accolades but I’m not. I’ll still do what I can for anyone who’d ask.

Then why feel bad, you might ask? Well, I suppose we can tell when someone behaves differently at different times? Say, Jim calls and texts when he’s bored, lonely, and in some trying situation. Then Jim couldn’t be bothered about you when he’s surrounded by all the good things.

Perhaps, Jim isn’t a very sensitive person and he truly appreciates the help rendered to him. Who knows, Jim isn’t someone who’s used to saying thank you or say something to that effect. After all, Jim is being himself and maybe the next Jim who comes along will be better. Still, there are Jims out there who think only of themselves.

As for me, I hope I’ll know what to do if that day ever comes. Anyway, time to send a friend to the bus terminal. And today's Friday... Movie night! In my room, on my laptop, of course.

Nice Guys finish last? I won't refute that.

Just A Nice Guy - Part 1

Part 2

Part 3