Life in Motion: Love-Hate Relationship with the Chinese

Crossed over the border early this morning. Had lunch near the ruins that I planned on exploring today and tomorrow. Spent about 30 minutes to update myself on the what's-going-on in civilization as well as a quick chat with a friend, the wonders of technology. It was sunny and the headache from yesterday came back. I closed my eyes but the conversation kept playing in my mind.

Julian said:
I find the wording and overall message in the song very meaningful. Nationalistic.
Friend said:
Yeah, I heard it before. Both the Mandarin and Cantonese version are nice.
Julian said:
Both are. I love China.
Friend said:
You hated China before?
Julian said:
No, I never hated any country but I'll elaborate when we meet next week.
Friend said:
Ok. Enjoy yourself.
Julian said:
The food here is fantastic. Corn tortilla and some forgotten beverage. Got to go off now.
Friend said:
Take care. Bye.

I never hate China but I find some policies and practice both archaic and quite barbaric. My criticism and dislike notwithstanding, the Chinese have some of the greatest and richest of literature, poems, idioms, and ancient inventions. But as Chinese as I am, I don't speak Mandarin. Not that I yearn to go back to China despite not-so-friendly situation here in Malaysia. This place is like no others. From what I read, I wouldn't want to live in Australia, NZ, Canada, Japan or even Singapore.

Back to the "Chinese" topic, consider the following:

Somebody called me a racist because I once said I hated Chinese people. Now this matter can sort of be related to coffee. You have expressos, mochas, cappucinos, kopi-0 kaos and such. Sure the cappucino has a more pungent aroma and the kopi-o kao is well, thick but that's the thing you see. You know you can't live without coffee. You just have to show your preference of which one you like better. Same goes to the Chinese. I hate Chinese people who stare at you when they find out you can't speak in Chinese. It's like as if they've seen a ghost. I hate Chinese people who speaks Chinese among themselves, knowing full well I have no clue what they're saying. And I hate Chinese who laugh at you for being a so called "banana", whatever that means. But then I love Chinese who can cook good food. I love Chinese who can speak English and who are outgoing and love to hang out. I love Chinese who do not discriminate you for who you are. Heck, I love those Chinese in the porno videos. So there you go. You can't say I'm a racist because I hate SOME of them. It's like saying I hate coffee because I don't drink white coffee. Sure I hate the Chinese but probably only about a third of the population anyway. Is that so big a deal?

-John T., a Chinese

He summed up most of what I feel, except for the porn part. It isn't exactly hate as in loathe or contempt but rather frustration for my own kind. I understand the "banana" term very well. Yellow on the outside but white on the inside. If some people that forms the majority in Malaysia are guilty of sowing racial discord, then my people isn't helping to reverse it.

Take for instance, in varsity, some consciously gather and polarize another group. Sometimes I rather work with people from another race since my own looked at me with an icy gaze for not speaking Mandarin! They're so afraid to lose and end up trying to "modify" some results. Tell me, who'd stand such behaviour? I find the Malays and Indians are easier to work with because we understand each other and we don't have the must-win-at-all-cost attitude. Then, some think that if they don't learn in their language, they'd lose their identity. Five thousand years of civilization isn't going to crumble because you don't use the language.

Bear in mind that these apply to SOME but not all. It's SOME Chinese, Indians, Malays but NOT ALL. I respect the conservative views too but it isn't going to help if people don't accept that it's no longer the 50's where everything we do will aid China. We ought to contribute to nation building even if it meant learning in English or the national language, Malay. It'll not help if we champion communal issues.

But then, I concur that racists ought to be shot *evil grin*

...If you like Pina Coladas
And getting caught in the rain
If you're not into yoga
If you have half a brain
If you'd like making love at midnight
In the dunes on the Cape...

I've heard that many times, funny ending to the whole affair. Wait, that's it! It's pina colada. Now I remember the forgotten beverage. And yes, there are more Spanish-speaking people here and everything is so Spanish. Anyway, I'd try to get my mind off things and concentrate on exploring the ruins and the valley before a 90-mile journey to the capital.

Life in Motion: Praising Myself

I can never, repeat, never get bored with this sort of geographical appearance spanning three states. Panoramic horizon spanning the field of view, dotted with rust monoliths shaped over the years by wind erosion. Hardy green trunks growing out of parched ground; fighting to live - somewhat similar to my life.

"Tell us more about yourself", I was asked.

"Impress us. You have one minute", added another.

"I'm Julian and I'm as ordinary as anyone could be", I began, rather carefully. Softly at the beginning. "I love what I do and the reason I'm in it is purely for knowledge and to a lesser extent, to make life better".

It wasn't perfectly structured then but I'm sure it got across. I remembered saying, "I'm an introvert".

"Introvert", someone repeated.

"Let's begin", said the man on the left.

How was I going to praise myself? Whilst some can do it, I just can't. I just don't have qualities that will match the adjective people use when praising themselves. All I did was summing up myself with a word and I thought I'd do better.

But how am I going to tell them, civil servants, that I'm opinionated and critical of the present government? Or to take a shot at the education system? Would they be interested in how I weave my magic through words and wordplay? Would they care if I'm crazy with people I'm familiar with? How'd would they react to my sob stories regarding the monetary difficulties I'm going through? Would they sit up straight and leaned forward with glistening eyes if I tell them I love kids and decided to practice medicine pro bono?

And there I was in the room thinking how I'd tell them about me. Surely they wouldn't give a damn about what I do and the aforementioned things may well sweep a girl off her feet but not three men firmly glued to their seats, some weighing in excess of 70kg I may add.

My supervisor got a call from the panel of firmly-seated guys and the topic was introvertness. Good thing she said something like, "If you talk Science with him then he'll be the total opposite of introvert".

Nah, I can't help it. Maybe I'd do better next time but I can't bring myself to praise myself. I can't masuk bakul angkat sendiri (a Malay saying literally means getting into a basket and personally carry it).

Guess I won't pass a job interview *smile* but that one wasn't a job interview. It's a scholarship interview from the Ministry of Science, Technology and Innovation (MOSTI)

For the time being, I'll carry on. Forward. The sun is setting and a shadow is cast over the horizon and the monoliths appear bigger now, eeriely resembling a rock golem. The green trunks appear like sentinels on both sides of the road.

I just love where I am right now. The air's dry and the sky's almost clear. I start the engine and the radio crackled to life. Johnny Tillotson's Poetry in Motion had just begun. Ah, it'd be a heavenly journey, even if it's only for a few miles.

...Poetry in motion

Walkin' by my side

Her lovely locomotion

Keeps my eyes open wide...

Ei incumbit probatio qui dicit

Today a body finally rested
But the scars remained - in their hearts, our minds
Angry calls, heart-wrenching clamours muted
Form the IPCMC to placate, stop our never ending whines

Don't resort to boiling water
Or physical harm for that matter
A respected entity, professionals in blue
Live up to your motto through and through

To the dim ones with the thumbs up
Your heads need examination and a drub
Whomsoever is yet to be charged is a suspect
By a certain extent of the law, they still command respect

A life is a life regardless
Rights to be respected nonetheless
Uniformed men and women of the armed forces
I admire and salute not the bad apples

Ei incumbit probatio qui dicit, non qui negat = The burden of proof rests on who asserts, not on who denies. Principle of presumption of innocence. [More here and here]
IPCMC = Independent Police Complaints and Misconduct Commission

Pamplona Bull Run

The second day of Chinese New Year (or Spring Festival in China) has come and gone - about 15 minutes ago. The first two days are usually significant since both days are national holidays. I liken this year to the bull run. Yes, so much fanfare and predictions running up to the year of the ox but all seemed too short-lived - ephemeral.

The last two hours or so were spent in darkness; no thanks to the power trip in some sub-station somewhere. It was well spent in that I've almost summed up the days' happening. Bonding is already certain. Everyone did make some amount of endorphin in their endocrine system and luckily, no one broke any ribs while laughing.

Good food and great time although I'd do better in PR. But then, it couldn't be forced right? I'd use these phrases: silent concern, unspoken care, and cryptic appreciation. There was even a photo presentation. One I reckon to be the climax of the gathering apart from winning in the card game. Aunt and uncle's trip to China - stunning environs. Another place to my list of places to visit!

Like any other year, this one ends really soon (although traditionally its observed all the way to the 15th day). The kid in me looks forward to the next gathering but the mind, as always, is wary of each day that greets me. I don't need the feng shui master to tell me but I have a hunch that it's going to be another 11 months of bittersweet journey.

To digress a bit, I observed that there are so many feng shui "experts" this year giving their two cents on the economy, career, relationship and everything else concerning us. And they call feng shui a science too. Unbelievable. Take relationship for instance, it isn't about star signs, animal signs, nor birth dates but rather chemistry, understanding, acceptance, and patience. So, come to me all ye hopeless romantics and I shall impart my knowledge to you all.

This is another random posting just to take my mind off the shock seeing how fast time flies. I shall stare into the picture below to soothe my wounded spirit for the feng shui guy says that the mountain-- no, I don't believe in such things - science or otherwise.

Education in Swat: So What?

"Yet another captivating shot from the Swiss Alps", I thought to myself when I first saw pictures of the Swat Valley, northwest Pakistan. Like the region of Kashmir (pic below), this scenic region of Swat is racked by violence and overran by [the Taliban] insurgents - bent on creating their dream utopia; one fashioned after their chauvinistic minds and based on warped logic.

In and around this picturesque area, I realized that life isn't as beautiful as the biome pictured above. Education is prohibited for girls, after primary four. Juxtapose the pictures above with that of burned books/schools and you'd see how cruel human can be and how unfortunate life is for the (female) students.

"I thought I was destined for the stars but they are pushing me to the caves"

-Malala Yousafzai
Sunday Star, January 25, 2009

Education promotes Western values and culture of obscenity they said. This is eerily similar to the group of people protesting against the concerts of Avril Lavigne and Rihanna here in Saudi A--, I meant to say Malaysia. My simple reasoning: Tell me about Non-Western/Eastern culture then. Don't we have honour killings? Life, I perceive, isn't of much value over here. Look at the Rwandan genocide and the era of the Khmer Rouge. What's with culture when we have people eating all sorts of things - dogs, cats, bear, and virtually anything with its back facing the sky. Poor tortoise.

Glue sniffing, extortions, sex orgies; both planned and organized, aren't new in the newspapers. Do we have to learn it from concerts or the television? Even if it's a resounding yes by such people, what happened then to moral and religious teachings? If the upbringing is sound and excellent, would parents worry that their children be thrown off the right path? We speak as if the bad and the ugly comes from a certain part of the world when it's the nature in us all that gives way to these things. How then, can we blame the West for eroded moral in our society when we have rape and incest in this part of the world? And where, sometimes, the victim gets death besides the the humiliation of being raped.

I'm not an apologist for the West but am hoping people would at least view things in a neutral way - to put things in perspective. Getting back to Swat, if it's for personal gains or if it's religious in essence, then call it by its name instead of coming up with flawed logic and reasoning. I'm not a Muslim but I remembered while learning Islamic History during History lessons that the first wahyu (I think it's called revelation in English) from Allah to his prophet began with "Bacalah...", literally Read.

I'll leave this here and go no further. I could get into trouble for saying the wrong things and it's true when it comes to religion or government. Guess it's the [Non-Western] culture here that's sensitive to criticism, dissent, and discourse. Question not the status quo, eh? Whoever said we're perfect? I could only shake my head. I'd rather dwell on the good things and yes, the only thing I think of now is the sumptuous meal for reunion dinner tonight.

What's Bad and Illegal in La-la Land

Not Los Angeles but Malaysia. Make no mistake (one of my favourite phrases), loving my country doesn't compel me to love the government of the day; especially when we see unfair policies and blatant disregard for the right things - transparency, accountability, rights, and the like.

Shocked by the news of Kugan's death in police custody, we now have a priest, MPs and others charged in court for "illegal" assembly. Now, many things are illegal over here. An assembly is illegal if it doesn't share the views of the government. It's assembly to gather to show solidarity for unjust detention for fellow citizens. It's also illegal to cycle if the agenda is to call for the abolishment of the ISA, better homes, minimum wage, and control in essential items. I no longer know what "the best interest of the people" means.

Then we have another group of people spelling Malaysia as S-A-U-D-I A-R-A-B-I-A. These zealots seem to be able to tell a rogue from a saint based merely on what they call "Western culture". Did it skip their religious minds that there are good and bad people regardless of where they originated from?

This and many more mark the new year for us all and also to accompany us through to the year 2020, the time when we're no longer a developing nation.

Journey Hitherto

When the trust is betrayed
When promises are reneged
When the confidence is but nullity
When pretence takes over sincerity

Then I'd no longer come
Then I'd no longer ask
Then I'd no longer wait
Then I'd no longer believe

When concerns become my prison
When my abilities don't assure

Then I'd always break away
Then I'd no longer speak

I grew up clinging, trusting, and learning
Ironically, when I'm all grown up I just think of leaving