Wicks & Waxes

And So It's Over

2012-01-24T23:46:00.000+08:00

Many will start work tomorrow and reports of traffic congestion are testament to that. Ten years back, I'd still be lazing on the couch facing the TV with a half eaten mandarine in my hand.

It's all in my head like it was last week. And it's a shame my mobile phone camera will no longer focus properly. Not because it was smudged by my oily, saliva-covered fingers. Speaking of that unsightly digits, I didn't get to eat kuih kapit (love letters) this year. It was nowhere to be seen and nobody brings them.

Prelude to an epicurean overindulgence: Steamboat for the dinner before New Year's Eve dinner at my uncle's.

It all seems to fizzle out way too quickly. A prayer of thanks. Dinner 1 (uncle's). Dinner 2 (potluck at another uncle's). Dinner 3 (at your truly's). I don't have to start work tomorrow (not in the employment sense, not yet) but I have my work cut out alright. When I'm nearly out of my reticent shell, I will be back to being surrounded by the four walls in a quasi-asylum milieu.

It's all peace and quiet (punctuated by the occasional screams of that spoiled brat below) on the outside but there's a flurry of chicken feathers in my head.

And so, it's over for 2012. Aww, maaaann !

Going Home for Dinner

2012-01-23T00:03:00.003+08:00

Wait! I've always been home. And I could only imagine what it's like to celebrate new year in a foreign land.

Some are still on their way. In time for lunch on the first day of new year. Some has gone home and mope around until dinnertime. In any case, meal time's over and it was a blessing. I didn't snap any pictures tonight but I did so last night. Yes, yes. We have dinner two nights in a row now. *ha!*

This one's a foreign TVC about homecoming. Not bad.

Daughtry's Home ain't bad too. Ah, me and videos!

Boom! There goes the opening salvo marking the Chinese New Year and time to sign off. Everyone's home. The American troop's home from Iraq. Truly, home is where the heart is.

Gong Xi Fa Cai !!

CNY Cometh

2012-01-21T16:07:00.004+08:00

Lent my strength today at Tesco to help cart away two boxes of honey mandarines and three cartons of canned drinks. I'll settle for the two cans of Coke Light in the fridge during the holidays. I know, artificial sweeteners aren't the best thing around.

As I grow older, preparation for reunion dinner gets more wearing. Part of growing up and growing old I suppose. Luckily I can still choose to not go to the wet market. The atmosphere's the same (excited, anticipatory, and work done in a feverish manner) but the feeling's different now. Is it because there's nothing great lined up for prime time TV? Maybe it's the nagging feeling telling you work ain't done yet and the deadline's coming soon?

How I miss those harum-scarum days of yore when the sum of the two digits of my age is more than 1 and less than or equals 10. Or in recent years, the tear-jerking TVCs by Yasmin Ahmad [for Petronas]. This year's – I missed the last – TVC ain't that great. There's too much going on in the first two minutes I started to lose interest by the 60th second.

You've been warned.

The other locally-produced CNY vid on YouTube has more views and less painful comments. More importantly, the message is clear. I felt Malaysians can better relate to this video than, say, someone who never lived here before. And the subtitles didn't help much. =)

The Prime Minister's CNY wish to all Malaysians is that we "continue with our best Malaysian tradition by sharing the celebration with all communities; to open our doors to all Malaysians."

Point well taken. The last thing he was quoted as saying is, "Let's tear down the divisive walls and barriers and build bridges between our hearts."

Well Mr PM, the walls and barriers that divide and separate us were built and preserved by the present government. How long more do you want to be in denial? I guess you've stopped listening long ago.

Happy Chinese New Year, people!

Stuck in a Rut, I Went to Town

2012-01-19T13:06:00.000+08:00

Need to break out!

Ever since the victory at Water-flu, I went back to the countryside and retired to a life of monotonous routine. Instead of growing tubers, weeding the garden, and tending to the chickens, I invested in some black and white seedlings sold under the trade name "Standard 102/102 Microsoft Natural *". I was told I'd reap the rewards in about 3 months from the day I finished planting them.

Daily, I obediently got up and selected the "seeds" to be sowed. This morning was a departure from the norm. I went to the town hall to support a fellow "farmer", also a war veteran, in his bid to obtain certification for his produce from two goodness-knows-who appointed officials.

Witnessed by representatives of the village chief and friends, he gingerly detailed his farming techniques and at the same time flashed rough sketches of the root system he'd made. Nobody knows if the occasional nods from the officials signaled their comprehension or an exercise to relief pressure on the neck.

I held my breath when the inquiry began. My farmer friend was quizzed about the Five Wives and One Husband **. One by one he answered them all until they came to the Husband. Try as he might, he couldn't seem to satisfy the inquirer. By now, even the cat that was lying by the wooden barrel began to walk away – uninterested.

The bell tolled and I guess the season's harvest wasn't quite what everyone was expecting. Apparently, some in the hall had already made up their mind on what they wanted even before descending upon our town. They wouldn't compromise. It doesn't matter that there was indeed a product. They were looking for a certain shape, size, colour, and weight.

A modern "reenactment" of that medieval scene at the "town hall"

Sadly, the colours olive, emerald, jade, lime, turquoise, teal, moss, chartreuse, pistachio, and avocado aren't green. See, he said green and they said, "Moss and teal". Never mind they weren't in agreement. The farmer's got it wrong alright.

Ah, soon I'll be sitting on that chair facing my own demons. When the time comes, I hope I match my shades of blue correctly. Absurd? You bet!

_________________

* Keyboard [layout]
** What, When, Where, Who, Why, and How?

Wednesday. The day I went and lend support to my friend who has to defend his thesis; an oral examination also known as - to be pretentiously genteel - viva voce.

New Year, New Intruder, Same Old Response

2012-01-02T13:26:00.003+08:00

The new year brings with it new, and previously unknown viral particles; at least to the men and women of the armed forces garrisoned within. I'm wondering how they got to me since I've been home the past few days.

I look a little better (Source: The Columbia Sun)

Post-nasal drip when I lie down and an "outward-nasal flow" when I'm not; they're driving me nuts. Now the tear gland's acting up. Soon, as the battle rages on, the aches will become more pronounced and my strength will eventually ebb away.

Things to do when the battle's over: wipe my keyboard and phone. For now, a little peace and quiet.

La Garde meurt mais ne se rend pas! We shall overcome the Battle of Water-Flu.

Double Take (2): 2011 in 270 Words

2011-12-31T23:45:00.000+08:00

More or less.

Not wanting to be finicky, 2011 has been a good year. Notgreat but it ain’t bad either. It’s taught me some valuable lessons and ways tohandle... well, face setbacks and take it in my stride. Easier said than done,really.

This year saw the passing of some bad people, but I’m notholding my breath. The vacuum will always be filled and that’s how historyalways rivets me – there’s never a short supply of evil characters.

Tear-jerking YouTube videos are plenty this year and themost memorable one has got to be Stranger, again. To please some real-man-don’t-cryactivists out there, maybe the theme of nice guys finishing last would besuitable.

Even the countdown to midnight puts into perspective theoft-heard expression “for every beginning, there is an end”. Hey wait! Everyending, it seems, is a new beginning. That said, the desire to go back to acertain date in 2011 and relive the moment is unmistakable.

All in all, the year’s been a love-hate ride (weren’t thepast years similar?). Hate’s too strong a word. More along the lines oflike-dislike.

The lineups for 2012 are: the general election and my school’s 160th anniversary homecoming dinner. Come to think of it, my life’srather low-key, eh? Heheh!

Speaking of school, I think I should top the last post of2011 off with a marriage proposal I saw a few days back. Dude’s from my school (no wonderhe looks so familiar, must’ve seen him queuing up for the delectable food atthe canteen) and I heard he’s made a name for himself right now. Way to go!

Happy New Year, people! Be blessed!

Double Take (1): Feeling Hopeful and Empowered by 2011

2011-12-31T15:41:00.000+08:00

We'll usher in the new year in less than 9 hours; with fireworks, booze, and loud music no less. New year or not, things remain the same. There's always work to be done and the incessant knocking and drilling a few floors down from where I am bear testament to that fact.

The next person who asks what my new year resolution is will get "1024 x 768" for an answer. I haven't had time to look back and evaluate this very eventful year. Contrary to what some thinks, 2012 is by no means the last year of us living creatures. Someone said to a few weeks back that "the end of the world" isn't like what was portrayed on the silver screen, rather it's the beginning of the end.

Well my friends, the beginning of the end has already begun way before 2009.

On the here and now, events in 2012 will be a continuation from 2011 where corrupt regimes and system the world over were uprooted and burned to ashes. If those weren't the case, Death had a hand on a few occasions. What I'd like to see in my country is the doing away with the extremists in the Malaysian society as well as those bankrupting the nation. Also, 2012 should (hopefully) mark the demise of a morally-corrupt governance based on [the now trite] cronyism, nepotism, and flagrant violations of the Constitution.

My role? I have a small space on the ballot paper to make an X. And I plan to do just that.

Cheerio and Frosted Flakes to You

2011-12-25T00:08:00.000+08:00

[or] frosted cornflakes [in this part of the world] are my favourite but I have to watch the sugar intake. My Christmas wish came in the form of a comment and a text message (thanks Kak Mimi) a few hours ago.

Then more cheers in the newspaper and the zoo (in the newspaper). And then there's the story about how a military organization called NORAD (short for North American Aerospace Defense Command) and its predecessor began tracking Santa.

"Since that time, NORAD men, women, family and friends have selflessly volunteered their time to personally respond to phone calls and emails from children all around the world."

Wow. Christmas to me centres on a figure much bigger (pun unintended) than jolly Santa. No one knows the exact date when Christ was born and Christmas originates from the pagan holidays. But we know that there's a day in the year that this one person – fully man and fully God – was born into the world to ultimately give His life to atone for the sins of man.

Now, that to me is the "reason for the season". If the story of Santa and the reindeers, or the prospect of partying till daybreak appeal to so many year after year, the story of the "babe wrapped in swaddling clothes, lying in a manger" remains a revitalizing one to me.

It's neither imaginary nor delusionary.

Merry Christmas!

That Truly Treasured Time-out

2011-12-23T18:44:00.000+08:00

Weeks and months of wearing drudgery, I'd like to think that I'm on the final lap. During my intermission in the past week, I had the time to mope about the mall to see if I can find something suitable to add to the existing wardrobe.

Wearing the same clothes for two or three years, it's time for a change. Not that I mind but it's the skin showing at awkward places that makes for an unsightly glimpse. Despite the "SALE", it costs so much. I went home with images of "DISCOUNT" and "-00.00" swimming in my head. But the thing that lingered on was the music. Put "Santa", "baby", "kiss" in a sentence and ta-daa! Horrendous.

Reindeers, candy canes, bells, and snowflakes abound. So this is Christmas.

On an unrelated note, I finished a movie-length video. My first in so many months. It wasn't A Christmas Carol (unrelated to Christmas remember?). It's WWE Tribute to the Troops! Yes, yes. I watch wrestling. It was our favourite pastime (watching pay-per-views in our richer classmate's home) back in school. Executing those moves seemed silly now but it was great fun then. Lucky we didn't break anything; silica- or calcium-based).

I don't have cheesy Xmassy songs to share but I have Nickelback's When We Stand Together. The theme song for WWE TTTT. Nevermind it was (and still is) make-believe. Kayfabe. Scripted. I treasure this 120 minutes of staying away from my keyboard and having occasional flashbacks to that time when we "layeth the smacketh down".

The live performance by the band, and the video montage and oral tributes to the US troops were moving. President Obama made a taped appearance too.

Enjoy the song, people. It's one of those rare occasions I enjoy "noisy" songs like this one. Merry Christmas and happy holidays!

That Much Needed Gaiety: A Sequel to Mile Marker 418

2011-12-08T22:39:00.001+08:00

The participants of ICMSM 2011 are already pouring into theisland but I don’t really care. They’re either the avaricious academics I sooften denounce or Facebook-addicts in lab coats. The latter are a common sight inmost labs from 9 to 5 each day; present company excepted.

Included – in the exodus of the educated – are two veryspecial people who ~~worked~~ shared their life together with usmore than a year ago (and still do, virtually). Meet Kelvin Swee, the dude whosays ‘yes’ to everyone and the same guy who spent an inordinate amount of time cleaving MUNANAusing neuraminidase to yield methylumbelliferone. The two groups of people in paragraph 1 should be ashamed. Boy, is he a sight for soreeyes when I walked into the lab during lunch hour. Didn’t know he’d be theretoday since I’ve agreed to meet with the other fellas.

Immediately, that marketplace feel I missed since theirdeparture came back. Funny how the situation quickly turned out to be likespeed dating on epinephrine and it was cacophonous at time. Handshakes. Pats.Lots of laughter. Conversations in English, Hokkien, Mandarin, and Malay.Rarely anyone completes two sentences in one language. I wonder what the Syrian dude, who was with Kelvin, thought of us. I wonder, too, what 'rojak' is in Arabic.

As I’m typing this, some of them decided to get together atStraits Quay. I’m giving that a pass since I’d be meeting Kelvin and Wen Tyng(the second dudette who will be giving an oral presentation) during the congress’ opening tomorrow. Due to the inept handling of my registrationand payment (processing took 1 month!), I was told two weeks ago that paymentdidn’t go through yada yada... And I found out today how much they have to worry about spending for work-related activities: imperceptible. USM 0 — UM 20.

Hopefully, meeting them and attending conference together aspresenters would alleviate that feeling of despair. I’m optimistic about this ☺.I should turn in now. Too much jocund repartee, guffawing, and a hot afternoonare giving me a raspy voice.

A sequel to Mile Marker 418. I ought to think harder about the title next time.

Shoot!

2011-12-01T19:45:00.000+08:00

The euphemism for sh*t.

Spent half the day before realizing that it's December. Already. No rest for my weary mind and my phalanges. And evil people too.

I've been getting the same questions lately; inquiring about what my future is like. Short answer? A Picasso. You know, the one that you stare at for hours and finally something begins to take shape.

Just before you scream "Elephant!", you saw a giraffe. That same giraffe then turns into something else. What is it that you saw, really?

I think I'm one of those people for whom the destination is the travel itself.

Agape with...

2011-11-30T00:06:00.001+08:00

I don't know whether to smile or to cry. Maybe I'll do both and produce that "I'm admiring you and feeling really touched at the same time" look. Throw in a pair of glassy eyes and a quivering pout.

Honestly, I'm not sure what I'm really feeling when I was reading about the kids over at MACS (or Facebook) and Post Pals. Brave kids fighting to keep healthy or to make the 'nasty lump gone'.

Yes, I was agape with dread and admiration.

To Jon Paul, Caitlin, Aled, and Emma, I learn to be "POSITIVE and not NEGATIVE". Sending some cards your way and it's the least I'd do for now.

I'm thankful that my organs and limbs are all accounted for. What is a chipped incisor compared to VACTERL association?

Working with Burkholderia cepacia, I couldn't appreciate the effects cystic fibrosis have on young patients and their families. Medical reviews are sort of... muted. At least I have new insights now.

Righteous Among Nations

2011-11-29T01:17:00.001+08:00

I'm so tired I can't sleep, and my eyelids they twitch.

So I thought I better do some reading to sort of slowing that overactive mind on overdrive for the past week. One thing led to another and now I got more intrigued; not because it's new but because of the details.

Being lazy to yak away, I decided to rehash that part I read. I realized it's on Wikipedia too.

You want to know about my motivation, don't you? Well. It is the kind of sentiments anyone would have when he actually sees refugees face to face, begging with tears in their eyes. He just cannot help but sympathize with them. Among the refugees were the elderly and women. They were so desperate that they went so far as to kiss my shoes, Yes, I actually witnessed such scenes with my own eyes. Also, I felt at that time, that the Japanese government did not have any uniform opinion in Tokyo. Some Japanese military leaders were just scared because of the pressure from the Nazis; while other officials in the Home Ministry were simply ambivalent.

People in Tokyo were not united. I felt it silly to deal with them. So, I made up my mind not to wait for their reply. I knew that somebody would surely complain about me in the future. But, I myself thought this would be the right thing to do. There is nothing wrong in saving many people's lives... The spirit of humanity, philanthropy... neighborly friendship... with this spirit, I ventured to do what I did, confronting this most difficult situation – and because of this reason, I went ahead with redoubled courage.

Another piece towards the completion of my learning puzzle readying for my trip to Oświęcim and Jerusalem. Not forgetting Washington, DC. All those places in, at least, 5 years time. Early preparations wouldn't hurt though.

It's [the Umpteenth] Friday!

2011-11-18T21:37:00.001+08:00

And I'm still loving it.

Went out today and stared at people. It's only a matter of time before I get a slap from some folks offended by my keen and attentive gaze. I figured no one would be interested to know about my risky venture so I'll just skip over that.

Long ago, my friend posted something about equations and plots and their connection to friendship (I think). Mr Bonehead here decided to build upon that idea but it soon fizzled out. I can't even locate that particular entry now.

As some sort of vindicatory gesture, I hereby put up this funny picture I found whilst trawling the net. Now I can go back to being lazy until bedtime and work on my graphs tomorrow on SigmaPlot.

Mathematical curves in motion

By the way, I wasn't staring or perving. Honest!

Kitchen's Still Smoking

2011-11-15T10:51:00.001+08:00

Now, it makes more sense when I learn it in Malay: ...dapur masih berasap. I won't go into the shaggy dog story of why the kitchen smokes and why nobody uses non-stick pans or a gas stove instead of firewood. Moving on, I was plotting graphs all day yesterday (not on Excel mind you, hence the long hours making my way around the program) and I do my blogroll update this morning.

I must admit here, like most living outside the area, the mention of Lynas first reminds me of the government's dealing and secondly, the people directly affected by it. Still, I try to do what I could and being penniless to travel (to KL for the march to the Australian Embassy or to Kuantan for that matter), I keep abreast of the latest development and spread the word around.

Coming back to the post, here's a video titled "Masakan Cinta (Love Dish)". The fight's still on. Yes! Bon appétit!

Last Sunday, the folks over at Kuantan had the "1311 For Our Family - Whack a piñata" event. Visit Antares' WE'RE DETERMINED TO STOP YOU, LYNAS! GREEDY PIGS! for pictures.

Till then

The Loop Button

2011-11-08T16:48:00.000+08:00

Free-verses are less restrictive and needs little distillation.

The loop function is activated

But really, it can't be turned off at all

It's one of those trips off the beaten track

Into the feeding ground of sandflies

Some say nurtured by the priest-doctor

All alone all along

I stumbled on all day long

Sometimes in doubt and in fear

Not wanting to suffer and trade my life so dear

To the terrifying curse of Kala-azar

The walking stick aids my wearied members

Rough basalt becomes my pillow

Phantom breeze whispers into my ears

Whilst the dew comforts me

Until next ray of sunshine imparts warmth

I awake to a million gnaws

And realize this place ain't Lilliput

These six-legged critters are starving

A bunch of toucans chirp derisively

and one lone toad croaks in agreement

The loop function is activated

But really, it can't be turned off at all

It's one of those trips off the beaten track

Into the proving ground of stealthy hunters

Some say trained by the Wolbachia warriors

Digging a Hole

2011-11-06T03:05:00.000+08:00

I'm posting from 2 feet under; within a hole I digged for myself. That's to hide from my embarrassment. Once, I posted something about the great people I've come to hold dear during my two years in the lab and I left out one person.

And this one person is someone quite close to me. In fact, if I were forced to rank those jocund folks, this person would be quite high up. Gosh! An honest mistake on my part yet it felt terrible.

To [Wendy] Kang Wen Tyng, one of the most efficient and hardworking – not to mention, resourceful – workers I've met: you deserve that place among them, well-regarded people. You're making good headway toward in your studies now and I even heard you'll be converting your present work to a doctorate. All the best, girl!

Firdaus & Wendy: We all miss that look on your face, the laughter, and some crazy moments in the lab

We're all behind you. Go get 'em!

Looking Upwards

2011-11-06T02:31:00.000+08:00

Literally, up.

Last night seemed to be a good night. The temperature's just right. Humidity too. Of all the things I do, I decided to turn to my left...

Yesterday morning started without breakfast. Downed a glass of water and headed out the door. yes, I've showered and brushed my teeth if you're wondering. Went to town to look for a set of spark plugs and the spark plug gauge. Got the plugs but not the gauge. On my way back, I got caught in a terrible jam.

All those time running around and simmering in the jam, the sore on the left side of my neck got more noticeable. Fast forward 6 hours, I was nursing a bothersome ache and retired early.

... I went "argh!" and exhaled loudly. The pain was most excruciating. And then, it disappeared; that is, until triggered again. You've guessed it, the sleepiness' long gone and I'm left in the darkness with eyes wide open. It was then that I decided to do some reading online. My previous reading of the Iran-Contra affair and the life of Ernesto Guevara were heavy so this time round, I'd just blog hop.

And post something here.

Some random pics (of skies) from my mobile phone make good embellishments.

One forgotten evening

Another forgotten evening. But I remember the place at which this picture was snapped. An 'ugly' place.

One of my favourites

It's not feeling nice even when I Believe (Blessid Union of Souls) is playing. Wasn't great too when Extreme's More Than Words were playing.

But am I glad that I gazed upwards. Too bad, I have limited neck rotation. Temporarily.

Visiting Kingston Town for Some Reggae Goodness

2011-11-03T02:06:00.000+08:00

Oh Kingston Town,
The place I long to be
If I had the whole world
I would give it away
Just to see, the girls at play

If I had enough money, I would give it away for a ticket to Glasgow. Oh wait, this song ain't about me or the place I long to be.

White November: Recollection and Recounting de novo

2011-11-01T02:36:00.002+08:00

Even if it's hot and humid here, Malaysians experience the occasional whiteout caused by a really heavy downpour especially now that the monsoon season is upon us. Elsewhere, it's pumpkin, candles, and snowfall.

September and October have said their goodbyes (good riddance!) and I'm welcoming November. And I can feel the noose tightening around my neck. Anyone realize that time somehow moves faster when we're hoping that they'd just slow down? Maybe it's just me dwelling in the past.

For so many reasons, I wish to be stuck in May and maybe, July. With each passing month, it becoming more and more difficult to complete this arduous journey. One made worse by the vista of decadence (huh?) and the filth emanating from it; all sustained by a stream flowing from that deceitful heartland (what?)

I can't think straight at the moment but my hope for November is... I wonder if there's anything I should look forward to.

The good feelings from six months ago? Is it the carefree days of June? Wait! The felicitous upshots of July? Those were the [more recent] days, and were being the operative word.

All I know is that the alarm has been set to go off at 8 and I have a huge amount of debt to settle – sleep debt accumulated from the past few weeks, that is.

The First Snow-- flake

2011-10-30T19:13:00.001+08:00

I've never experienced snow in my life, ever. When we're little, sis and I used to sit around mum agape with wonder at her stories. Snowman and Santa in Christmas off the greeting cards and TV adverts.

In November of '93, having saved enough money, we flew to Australia and I remember asking if it'll be snowing. No, it's springtime now. Drat! Still, it was really cold and being kids, we're super excited turning into make-believe dragons spewing "fake smoke" from our mouth and nostrils.

Back in the perpetually sweltering Malaysia, the "ais kacang" was (and still is) a great relief. Being short, I remember staring as the ice shavings fell from the blade and imagining seeing that snowfall.

A big yes to sweet corn, grass jelly (black), red beans, rose (and sarsaparilla)-flavoured syrup, and a drizzle of evaporated milk. No [translucent] attap seeds please.

Reading about the first snowfall and winter in the northern hemisphere seems to transport me back to that time when snow and the igloo utterly fascinates me. Slowly, I'm inching towards that moment when I expel "fake smoke" again.

A scoop of ice cream at the top! That's how I'd like to have my ais kacang. Tried one with mango puree and gula melaka syrup once. The possibilities are endless. Just don't overdo it.

For now, it's temporary satisfaction afforded by that RM4-ish bowl of ais kacang (depending on the toppings). Funny how when people grow up, that childhood desire seems to get shaved away. Perspective changes too mind you. Standing next to the motorized ice shaver now, I'm looking at that spinning block of ice and blotches of rust on the iron frame.

Ah, grownups see all sorts of things.

A Rude Awakening

2011-10-26T06:09:00.000+08:00

5:20 AM... Is what I saw when I reached for my phone.

5:22 AM... Is the time I lost that "sleep is the best thing to do in the world right now" feeling and lay in the dark wondering if owls have infrared vision.

There's so many weddings going on and with dates like November 11 and December 12 (next year) looming, it's good business for those planners. One wonders what the number's like in two or five years; that is, number of married couples still hitched.

Why marry

and call it quits?
and fight (verbally and physically)?
and have kids only to dump them at their grandparent's?

I have better things to dwell upon but sometimes these questions get triggered. And no one does a better job than the folks in the unit a few floors down. They fight like bitter enemies most of the time and when they don't, they share their conversations with everyone else. All that at inconvenient hours (as if there's a convenient hour for those things).

Hang in there, kid

And in the middle is this tot who, in my opinion, expresses his feeling by crying. Lately, screaming has been incorporated into the crying and I have to put up with that scryeaming (lame, I know) at different times of the day.

I really pity that guy but it's getting on my nerve especially at times like this. To play the blame game, it's always the caregivers' fault: parents who think only of themselves and grandparents who can't be bothered by a crying child. Now isn't the time (and I'm not in the right frame of mind) to approach the issue of marriage "in the heat of the moment".

With four hours of extra time on a public holiday, I wonder what I'm going to do.

End-of-Life: A Commentary to Y2K 11-10

2011-10-22T16:33:00.001+08:00

Some are familiar with EOL and some don't. EOL means two things to me: Windows XP in April 2014 and life. Since the former is ~~predictable~~, no, it's confirmed, all I have to do is make preparations for it; details of which are yet unknown.

Life is more unpredictable. I might not even get the chance to hit the "Publish" button on this post, unlikely but possible. Now, life and some decisions to be made form the theme of Y2K 11-10. Back in '99, in the run up towards midnight of December 31, there's a piece about the Y2K bug at least once a week. Some predicted a total chaos whilst others scrambled to upgrade their system.

I remember waking up the next day hoping to hear the siren, smoke, and gunshot. Sadly, it's just another day in life and the school opens for a new term in a few days' time. No anarchy to save us school-going kids.

Nearly 11 years after that, with a better grasp of what life is, I wrote about the unpredictable nature of life one stanza a day in the month of October. Amid the unrest in New York and the world over, I was deep in thought about what to do next.

One moment, I could picture how nice things would turn out for options A through C and disillusionment in the next. Then the EOL of XP hit me: there are things I never prepare enough for. So yeah, there's an expiration date on each of us and some has a price on their head on top of the expiry date.

And?

Got to keep moving; fueled by aspiration, guided in the right direction by wise counsel, and protected by any moral roughage I can gather. Gung-ho eh? Well, everybody's got to start somewhere.

The last stanza was an afterthought, really. To end it properly with a change in season: summer through to winter, the Bealtane of an earlier writing to the approaching Halloween. And lived with with doggedness of Ernest Shackleton.

I rarely explain what I wrote. In fact, this is the second time that the meaning behind a piece is elucidated. Another time was because the intended reader didn't really get it. Oh well, people who write in meandering ways are boring.

Y2K 11-10

2011-10-18T01:27:00.000+08:00

The Sturm und Drang of Occupied October
Should cause casual commoners like me to quiver
A nascent ripple waxing by the day
Swinging out in every cardinal point and Rome burns today

Oddly, there prevails a state of uncanny equanimity
Permeating the noetic sphere called the mental faculty
From the placidity burst forth the brilliant flashes
It becomes hard to secern excitement from madness

Day 3 if cogitation and getting nowhere
There’s got to be an answer somewhere, but where?
I’m stuck between that man-wrought cave of utter despair
and that doggone whirlpool of delusion and certain snare

The sum of 2 and 2
Summed up the world rotten through and through
I’m not without aspiration nor expiration
And can only hope to emerge unscathed from adulteration

One bittersweet summer repleted by burnt butterscotch
Dwindled away to the cold, carved pumpkins at the porch
The frost of Shackleton’s time will soon gnaw
at our extremities whilst we await the first snowfall.

BBW

2011-10-13T16:00:00.000+08:00

I really wonder what went through some of your minds when you read the three-lettered title. Anyway, it's one of those days when I wish I had more money and not stuck here saying to myself, "How nice if..." over and over again.

The Big Bad Wolf Book Sale is happening right now... In the Klang Valley. I would have bought a [bus / train / ~~flight~~ too costly for me even if it's a year ago] ticket but hey, let's hope it'll be held up north in the near future. *hopeful*

Retailing at RM 25. That's 84% off the normal price. I don't think I'm gonna find coffee spills or missing pages in it.

Someone agreed to look up Archaeologica and Disappearing World for me. As much as I'm overjoyed by that, I couldn't help but think that it'll be great to be there in person. That way, the two-title limit will not take effect.

Looking at the "teaser" on the main site, prices are lower compared to the ones aboard Logos Hope weeks ago.

*sits and ponder, ruefully*

Funny Day

2011-10-12T00:02:00.000+08:00

A day of "nothing much was done as far as work is concerned". I spent a good part of my afternoon at MPH browsing the titles at the "Hobbies – Photography" section as well as the "Fiction" area.

As I made my way to the cashier, I walked past this mother and son pair. The guy, I reckoned to be a school-leaver, was describing something from the magazine on his lap to his mother. I'm not sure if mum understood everything (it seemed rather technical) but boy was she attentive. You know what I'm getting at but I'll leave it at that.

Forgive the odd angle. Wasn't trying to creative but more to being discreet.

The rest of the day was spent on the net reading about Raijin Thunderkeg, Genesis

(the band); watching videos on YouTube (yes, again!); and catching up on things with Wilber. I'm eagerly anticipating the next stable release (2.8) of GIMP.

Meet my friend, Wilber.

And I chanced upon this entrancing piece of music: Funny Day by Kinder ft. Paps 'n' Skar. I'm not the party guy; never was and never will but I think this would make for a great song.

Whatever it is, it's been looping in Windows Media Player. Give it a try! Who needs mood-altering drugs when there are songs like Funny Day?.

If anyone's wondering what's so funny about today, it wasn't. The title's from that eponymous dance music. Ha! Now, play that again.

More Than Just Breakfast

2011-10-07T18:32:00.001+08:00

"Bagel, brioche, or nasi lemak for breakfast tomorrow?"
"I'll have one each day. Then top off breakfast with a glass of carrot juice."

Simple right?

Sometimes, the options are laid before us and we only have to make an informed choice. You see, I'm terrified of the unknown as much as I'm excited about it. It's not that I'm about to end my life, visit the next, decide that I hated it, and the hit the undo button only to know that it's broken.

Still, some decisions are permanent in that we don't get the chance to revisit them ever again. A few are pivotal. Whilst it's true that we live with them, and being the resilient creature, adapt to survive, being certain about the choice we make could save us some sighs and heartbreak.

Am I biding my time for far too long? Can being careful simply be seen as cowardice or are both mutual, inextricable traits? I haven't an answer; not even for myself.

Bloody Bullies

2011-10-03T00:40:00.000+08:00

When Bullying Backfires: Asperger’s Student Voted Homecoming Princess

Ah, the kind of headline that almost always puts a smile onmy face. There are a few definitions of bullying that I know of, but apart fromthe occasional teasing / name-callings, I wasn’t subjected to a daily torture –physical or otherwise.

We all grow up and become friends. Suddenly, we laughedabout our parents’ names. Come to think of it, it was childish to 1) seekpleasure in calling a classmate by his father’s name and 2) react angrily whensomeone greeted our pops.

One of my favourite PSAs by JP

After growing some pubes and learning to respect the otherperson, we soon channel that effort into lively discussions with our teachers:tantalum digging, girls, etc. I guess I was lucky that I never encountered aviolent bully trying to experiment inelastic collision with my head and thewall.

We've heard of worst cases both at home and abroad. I can never forget Phoebe Prince whenever the subject of bullying comes up.

Maybe I should be thankful that the strict discipline inschool. Yes, I’ve been on the receiving end of the rod. Once when all 38 of usgot caned for going too far on the decibel scale. Heheh!

But I’m not indifferent to bullying. I was 9, and stilllearning to make subjects and verbs agree. My cousin’s already in Australia withhis parents.

“...great news here in Australia. I might be skipping agrade.” is one of the many things he wrote about in a Christmas card. He also described theweather in Adelaideand how much he’s learned in school. Ain’t that obvious, cousin? Even Singapore’s wayahead.

He didn’t tell me about the treatment he got whilst atschool. Mum related the incident to me and somehow, [on hindsight] thosebathroom scenes from Hollywoodare so real. Anyway, they’ve already returned long ago after Uncle Vic finishedhis studies.

They all have fond memories of their time down under but I wasparticularly sore about the bullying and some bigoted twats calling out to themwhilst walking home, “Boat people, go home!”

Halfway through the post, I stopped and searched myself against the actions that constitute bullying. Lucky I'm not one. Never was too. *winks*

Now for some in-game retribution. Mortal Kombat... Bloody, no?

Wee Hour Screening

2011-10-01T04:24:00.000+08:00

When you wish upon a star

Makes no difference who you are

Anything your heart desires

Will come to you

I'm sure many are familiar with that.

Got out of bed, took a wee and headed to the kitchen for a sip of water. At four in the morning, there's nothing going on out there but I peered out the window anyway. Quiet. Dead. I looked up and the heavens' full of life.

Wow! Beautiful, beautiful sky. As cliched as the phrase "star-studded night sky" gets, it's different every time I look up. Ah, that nice feeling (understated) which smothers.

Sorry for being stutteringly fragmented; whatever that meant. I think I'd better go back to sleep. After all, such splendour are sure to greet me again the next time I gaze upwards.

Beautiful scene. Wonderful feelings. Amazing what a bunch of stars and a wisp of cloud set against a dark sky could evoke in me; or people for that matter. Never get enough of it and don't think I ever will.

And yes... Hello October, ye good fellow. Welcome aboard and let's have a jolly good time, ya?

My Trusty Tools: The Pilot and the Zebra

2011-09-30T18:24:00.001+08:00

I ran to the post office, walked back, and ran up the stairs to the 16th floor. All of that today, and the days to come, for that faithful mass of muscle weighing less than a pound that kept me going for the past two decades. Well, there are other contributors to life and survival than just the heart but let's not argue.

It was fun to expend all that energy to depletion (nearly) but it also meant a lazy afternoon. My pencil case got my attention but ultimately, I was drawn to its contents. There's the scientific calculator which once elicited a "what is this thing with so many buttons on it?" from my mother.

There they are...

The star in that microcosmic world of writing implements has got to be the Pilot G-1 gel ink pen with a rubber grip. I don't remember when exactly I got it but looking at some test papers (yes, I keep my Malay and English essay papers) and exercise books, I've had it with me since 2001.

Being a leftie, I get some unwanted smears when I write fast. Sometimes, the ink just got through to the other side of the page. I love it on cards and for writing one-liners. I no longer use it for work now. With 1 cm-ish of ink left, I'll let it go into semi-retirement.

Next comes the Zebra mechanical pencil (I was looking it up and found it on eBay). I love this one a lot. Partly because it's a gift from a significant person. I go to an all-boys school and I'm straight so yeah...

Unlike my [oft-misplaced] rulers, I make sure this one stays in the pencil case when not in use. Great companion during the hours arranging a poetical piece.

It really is funny. The heart I mean. One word with two meanings. One with a routine task of pumping blood; incapable of feelings and affected only by electrical impulses. The other is intangible but is most perceptible by everyone: it's capable of reacting to stimuli such as love, hatred, or excitement. It appears to be able to advise, cherish, and affects moods.

Wait! Do we love with our heart or with our mind then?

Bittersweet Scottish Summer

2011-09-27T17:56:00.002+08:00

I stared at the empty page

Not knowing whether to bitch or make an adage

Maybe I could try to wet that six by eight with ade

Concocted and brimmed in my dreamy head

During the Bealltainn companioned by the Great Highland bagpipe

I heard myself humming to delightful melodies

Yesterday I awoke to a dampened hype

In fellowship with silence I groaned in my maladies

Images of a kvetching child now dance before me

Echoes of her voice are haunting but no less than endearing

It’s but a short time before she melds into the scenery

That of a luxuriant Kelvingrove Park, reddening

The bench is empty, save for the weathered grains
A faithful third in every conversation

Whether they be blessings or banes

The gust has carried them to certain oblivion

They say absence makes the heart grow fonder

But it felt like the top of Ben Lui, only colder

Behind the tear-sealed palpebras picturing Loch Lomond

I revisit the sweet memories of summer gone

Autocracy, Bureaucracy, and I'm busy

2011-09-24T15:06:00.000+08:00

As usual, faced with an enormous list of things to do, I'm complaining about the lack of time in a day. There's only so much (and a little more) a person can do before 10 x 5 = ? takes more effort than usual to compute.

This is where my favourite part of toiling comes in: the reward. My "have a break, have a Kit Kat" time. Instead of chocolates, I go on a blog hop or streaming videos on YouTube. Recently, everyone was sharing the Undilah (Vote-lah) PSA on facebook and I must say, the messages are spot on.

1. exercise our right to vote (meaning you register if you'd never voted before

2. the people's the boss (and like most evil bosses, they have the "Eject" and "Promote" buttons to push)

Still, when I learned that the PSA was taken off the air (not that it really matters since there are plenty of resources on the Net), I felt that someone on top was annoyed by the contents and the 'extras' making a cameo appearance.

I don't know, I might be wrong. Of course, they have their reasons for doing so. They always have some forms of a canned speech, don't they?

Back in school, I remember learning about the structure of the government and the principle of separation of powers. We discussed many things and one of it was the deadening subject of bureaucracy.

I wish I could meet up with Mr Anthony now and ask why didn't we learn that the government is autocratic? Well, to put it nicely, quasi-autocratic. I suppose this is tacit knowledge to most people? Again, I might be wrong because nowhere in the [mainstream] papers or news states that. We're a democratic country because... *trails off*

Oh well, I'll settle for a Jubilee Project PSA for now.

Teachers, I have so much love and admiration for them...Well, not quite everyone...

The Story of A Dry Bread

2011-09-21T21:40:00.001+08:00

I meant to say rye bread.

But my French rye bread was a little on the dry side. It's always nice to learn the history and/or the story behind that certain recipe and how it came to be. The same couldn't be said about those posh-looking bakeries many of us walked into, at least once, in shopping malls.

The bread is alive!

Besides, the only story we'd tell others about that particular establishment is the costly loaves. In time, patronizing these places will be nothing more than history for some; with a less-than-sweet memory of burning a hole the pocket for something less than a sourdough – effort-wise.

Still looking for a stromboli here.

On Pane di Prato:
This typical Tuscan bread, also known as Pane Toscano, is made without salt. The absence of salt has a historical explanation. During the Middle Ages, Tuscany’s neighboring provinces controlled the Italian salt market, levying a heavy salt tax. Unwilling to submit to their rivals, the Tuscans created breads made without salt. Such breads have a yeasty flavor, but quickly become stale. Tuscan cooks have developed a tradition of dishes using stale bread

-EricTreuille and Ursula Ferrigno, Bread

There's more to a loaf of bread than flour, water, salt, and leaven. We're so used to eating those plastic-packed loaves of soft bread that will only keep for 3 days or so. Anything that tastes different from these "standards" are not bread at all. Artisan bread are usually too dry, denser, and chewy. Bad.

Pain de seigle. French rye bread. (Source: La Panière)

Oh well, I grew up eating those "standard" slices everyday. Just thought I could bake my own. Never mind me, I'm on a restricted diet; for financial reasons that is.

To bake or to buy, to each his own! ^.^

Yoshi! Ikuzo!

2011-09-19T00:04:00.001+08:00

Yes, I'm still sane but for how long? I can't tell. I've been motivating myself all day today and for the past weeks; prompting myself to go a step further.

"Just one more line before you can stop for dinner. Never mind the aroma of baked squid stuffed with minced chicken, fish, shrimps, and crab meat (?)"

Operating from where I am right now, I couldn't have asked for a more strategic location in the house. Five steps to the east is my room. The place I would go to plop myself on the bed and heave loudly every few hours or so.

Five steps (yes, I counted) northwestward lies the kitchen when I need the heaven-sent liquid called water. It tastes sweet when I'm thirsty. Seriously.

The window to the north provides me a view of the outside world and sunsets are always beautiful. I said sunset because I let down the curtain to shield off the glare of daylight. No, I don't glitter nor burn.

Back to the coffee table where I work, it's in the path of the afternoon breeze blowing into my room and exits the window to my left.

A twitch to reposition myself. A scratch on the back to eliminate the itch. Turning my head in circles and shrugging to loosen up. That's about all the "physical activities" involved in a day. Gosh! And at 60 kg, I'm not exactly worried about my size but my heart.

A few hundred pixels away lies the bookmark button to Blogger and Windows Media Player. This is what's keeping me from mental lethargy although I get occasional blocks halfway at the 5100th word.

No English or Mandarin songs for me (even though I don't understand 80% of Mandarin) so I don't have auto-understand the lyrics. I'm switching to Japanese! Woot! I don't understand 8 out of 10 words I hear and I don't wish to either. For good reasons too: I can fully concentrate on making a 5-line sentence broken up in pieces by a mixture of commas, semicolons and dashes; all the time peppering it with words / jargons / phrases worthy of publication in an academic journal.

If I have to choose, I'll still go for blogging. They say all goods things are meant to be shared, so I'm embedding the MV to the song I've been listening to for the hundredth time now.

Sakura ~Anata ni Deaete Yokatta~ (さくら～あなたに出会えてよかった～; Cherry Blossom ~I'm Glad to Meet You~)

The spacebar is not responding well and occasionally, wordsarenotproperlyseparated. Sometimes they do.

Hey, friend!

2011-09-18T02:22:00.001+08:00

This a story about Abby. Yes, you can think of Abby as theAbby Sciuto from NCIS but she’s unlike Ms Sciuto in case the mention of hername conjures an image of a gothic girl totally addicted to Caf-Pow. Energetic yes, but relatively subdued.

It’s one of those high school boy-meets-girl-and-they-became-best-palsstories one hears ever so often.

The meeting in 2002 wasn’t your normal meet, greet, andshake the hand sort of encounter. Studying in a boy’s school (Go SXI!), theonly girls we could meet are those in Form 6 (Pre-U) and I’m positive they don’teven have the time for immature nestlings like us. And we’re too preoccupiedwith street soccer to ogle at them; well, mostof the time we’re busy if you know what I mean.

I got Abby’s number off a greeting card sent from hersociety (well, it’s those quasi-diplomatic well-wishing) but too bad she wasn’tin at that time. I left my number, who I am, the reason for the call, and amessage before hanging up.

Before long, she returned the call and that marked the startof a lovely journey. The calls and texts went back forth more times than that betweenKennedy and Khrushchev during the Cuban Missile Crisis. We talked about school,friends, studies, guys, girls, and empty chats in between.

Believe or not, we haven’t met even once. If there ever wasa chance, and one that I didn’t grab, to meet her it would have to be the dayshe left for the UKfor her A-Levels soon after our national examination, the MCE.

Left or right, here we are right now. (Photo credit: Thomas Pate)

Eight hours (7 in the summer) of time difference, there wasonly a small window for a chat and I wasn’t connected to the net all the timelike I do now. A freshman in varsity, I once caught up with her on MSN Messengerat 10 A.M. local time and managed a 30-minute on-and-off chat. She’s asophomore in University of Bristol now. Life as astudent is great but hectic. Working at 2 A.M., I’m sure it is.

There was a long silence thereafter with an email or two inbetween. I received a call from her one night, a year later, when she was backhere during her term break. Well, that’s how things were.

At a point in time, we’re on the same path and headed in thesame direction. Then there comes the moment when a choice is required of us;ah, that fork that leads to many places of untold fortune. We make choices lifeand some of us simply actualize that choice which was made on our behalf longago. Either way, we chart our own course and in the process grow apart from thepeople we’re once so close to. And I embrace that without a protest, just atinge of sadness.

Was there something that I did wrong?

It’s been so long, eh? Here’s wishing you nothin btblessings @another milestone in life. Happy birthday!...|

She turns 26 today.

24 + 6 = A Possible Windup

2011-09-13T18:50:00.000+08:00

We've heard from the sages of old that there's no such thing as "not having enough time" and there's only "a bad time planner". I'm not so sure if 40 years from now I'd be saying that.

Maybe not. Maybe I'll go, "Since 2000, time planners are an extinct group. With so much to do, their absence and presence are likened to that proverbial drop in the ocean.

"You see, unlike the 1970s, technology has grown by leaps and bounds and more output is required of us. Consequently, as one demand is satisfied..."

Really? Am I just finding excuses? I can't seem to finish anything and even if I did complete a part of it, I was rejoicing inside and immediately took a day worth of break. That's how tough certain things are.

I sleep 7, sometimes 6, at times 5 hours and I (my eyes) absorb blue light for the rest of my waking hours. Still, nothing's crossed out from my to-do list. ~~of things to be done that seem go on and on.~~

Relaxation comes in the form of grilling that centre-cut fish fillet seasoned with nothing more than just salt and pepper for instance. If I decide to take more time off, then I'd be kneading dough (Newsflash: there's a no-knead bread recipe available online. See? Even bakers need more time to, say, prep a sourdough starter. Or to walk the dog and do the laundry).

It was 8 years (and still counting) ago that I last made pizza. Nowadays, my low-cal floury affair is Indian through and through. Who? Meet Miss Atta, people. That's right, chapati from atta flour. Goes well with that leftover rendang or a mashed up can of mackerel in tomato sauce.

Chapati anyone? Kneading it is rather therapeutic. All that pent-up energy and frustration...

Really, I wish there's an additional six hours or so in a day. Then I'd have nearly 2 days extra per week. Oh well, I've got to suck it up and push on. I'm glad I still come here to freshen up.

I Still Remember

2011-09-11T01:20:00.000+08:00

This time around I thought I should speak for myself. If 2 years ago I wrote about "us" remembering, I'm not sure if "we" was well-defined.

Ten years ago on this day (it's already night time here, a little past 10 pm), my friend mentioned something about a plane, a building, and an explosion he heard from another person.

"It must be some urban warfare but where? Fighting in the Kosovo War ended some time back," I thought to myself. I now know it ended in 1999.

It all became clear over the next few days and ten years on, who doesn't recognize images of smoke billowing from the World Trade Center or the clip where the plane slammed into the building?

September 11, 2001 meant different things to different people.

For me, it sort of renewed my interest in conflicts around the world and studying why people did it. What was going on in their head when they planned to make headlines and taking lives – sometimes their own – in the process? From Jonestown to Oklahoma City; Waco, Texas; Madrid; London; Mumbai; or Beslan, Russia, we've often asked why they did it. What drives them? I guess we'd never get a satisfying answer.

I have a folder in my computer full of pictures, tribute videos, recorded phone calls, and saved copies of websites detailing the chronology of events both in and outside New York City. I remember getting all teary watching one clip in the middle of the night and reading about Flight 93*. It goes without saying that I watched (and I know I have to) United 93 when it was released in 2006.

Life goes on, as it always does, and this day like many other dates, is a reminder of the evil that human beings are capable of. It is also one that highlights the tenacity of the human spirit in the face of a horrifying adversary.

Try as I may, I will never be able to comprehend, fully, the grief felt by those who have lost their loved ones on that fateful day. But Americans remember. The world remembers. I remember.

*I'm glad to know that this page is still available online.
____________________
I'm not going to try and justify the events that took place following 9-11 but I know that the whole world felt it. War isn't a beautiful thing and it affects everyone. It is depressing to know we have to tighten our belts to save for fuel.

Hello, Love!

2011-09-09T19:01:00.000+08:00

A year or two ago when I was still receiving my monthly stipend from MOSTI’s scholarship – or the student loan in ’05 for that matter – I’d save some and after deducting for food (sometimes good food to reward myself) and lodging, I’d spent the rest on my beloved.

It was well worth it even when I know my actions raised some eyebrows. They say a nothing gets through to a love-stricken person.Fast forward to yesterday, it felt it's a little painful to part with RM 80 even though that place offered a cheaper alternative for a have-not like me.

Enter Logos Hope. The ship called port weeks ago and it's about time I pay her a visit.

I got myself The Secret Life of Germs: Observations and Lessons from a Microbe Hunter by Phillip Tierno. Seeing what I’m working with now, it’s only natural that the title caught my eye as I scanned the titles left to right, top to bottom.

Into the cart went One Extraordinary Day by Harold Myra; Breach of Trust, DiAnn Mills; Holman QuickSource Guide to Understanding Creation, Mark Whorton & Hill Roberts; and Son of Hamas: A Gripping Account of Terror, Betrayal, Political Intrigue, and Unthinkable Choices, Mosab Hassan Yousef with Ron Brackin – the latter being the type of book that will make my week.

Got this at a third of the price

The books aren’t too old but they’re not the latest either. I don’t see Tom Clancy or Andy McNab but I was not disappointed. The pricing of the books is enough to put a smile on my face. You see, Tom Clancy’s Executive Orders costs RM 33.95 when I bought it 10 years after it was first published. Not exactly the latest right?

I can only smile

If there was a time when my “voyage” passed through choppy seas, it’s got to be the part after I’ve paid for my purchase. I came to the next section full of thick, we-mean-serious-business kind of books.Any 3 for RM 40.Gosh! One of those reference books costs at least RM 60 (with a student discount) back in the varsity’s bookshop.There’s finance, business, calculus, criminal justice, and anthropology. If only archaeology and say, psychology or some Science-related books were there, it’d have completed the quota.

Then again, would I have enough money in my wallet to pay for them?

At Borders some time back: Held this book for a good 15 minutes looking perusing the skeletons and its details. Too bad its wrapped

For now, I’m contented with the ones I have with me right now. This time, there won’t be a deadline to return the books and I could have all the time I need to finish them. Gone was the time when I could finish Dan Brown’s Da Vinci Code in less than 24 hours.

At Port Swettenham

Hey my love, we will be spending more time together now. A book in hand, a bookmark between my fingers, and my back propped against the headboard waiting for you to snuggle up next to me. I love you Miss Read Ing*.

*Yes, Ing is a surname.

It was great, people!

2011-09-04T16:50:00.001+08:00

Good food and great company.

And I stand by my statement. We had a blast last night and we've proven, time and again, that gatherings can be smashing without booze.

Anyway, I've never laughed so hard for a long time now and Kak Mimi's nieces and nephews are adorable. They reminded me of the time during such festive season where we run around the house without a care in the world. They kept coming back for fire to light their lanterns. I guess they have their interpretation of "carrying lanterns". One of those lanterns was annihilated, much to their joy as they shrilled in delight.

I'm glad we came up with the idea of bringing the Mooncake Festival to Raya open house. By the time we're barbequing the chickens (with an incredible consisting of lemongrass, somehthing, and something - sorry for my sense of taste, or the lack thereof).

Remember my digital dinosaur? I realized, after a few blurry pictures, that the auto-focusing is off at the shortest (widest angle) focal length but I'm quite happy with the outcome. Ah, I should have borrowed the DSLR...

It's sad that two of our "gang" members weren't able to join us but we did a little conference over the phone's loudspeaker and "chided" them for their absence. Of course, a commonplace for all gatherings, there were updates about the present and the future. Some good, some not so good, some bright and others dim. Still, it's great to know how they're doing now!

Thank you, people, for a great time and thanks to Kak Mimi for inviting us. Next stop: Indian cuisine for Deepavali next month.

All Set and Ready to Go

2011-09-02T21:36:00.000+08:00

September. I have a funny feeling about September. A misgiving. Let's hope this month will be kind to me. When I visited my Dashboard (that's what the "home" page is called in Blogger) 10 minutes ago, I was greeted with a dialog asking if I'd like to try that new look that is supposedly streamlined for a better blogging experience. Well, for a start, my eyes hurt but I'm beginning to like light grey, orange, and blue.

It's September 3 tomorrow and we'll all be converging at 05.4668420°, 100.4555190°. Attempts to get my hands on some sparklers failed and I was informed that lanterns were already purchased, minus the candles. I'm not sure who's buying mooncake but my mind's on rendang. Kak Mimi delighted us with a trailer of what awaits us on the table and the backyard (we're having barbeque at night).

My Sony Ericsson K530i isn't going to cut it given the lighting of the place so I've purchased four AA batteries, which costs a bomb, to feed my power hungry digital camera. That's right, my camera's a triceratops by today's standard and nowhere as fast as those slim, velociraptor-like cameras that's rechargeable. Anyways, I'm hoping for the best out of my Olympus FE-310. Oh, by the way, it's an archived product @.@

Memory card's cleared. Date set. Clothing ready. A full tank of petrol. Tire pressure. Sunshades. Watch... I went too far. So yeah, starting September with good food and great company. After that, back to writing and bracing myself for any storms that might come my way.

Dreams & Reality: my third photomanipulation. Fall do evoke a feeling of dread in me, even when I first saw the stock. (Stocks and credits on deviantART)

September, end of summer break and beginning of a new semester for some folks I know.

Selamat Hari Raya, Hari Kebangsaan, and Selamatkan Saya

2011-08-30T15:23:00.003+08:00

If firecrackers are synonymous with Chinese New Year 20 years back, that startling but familiar boom now announces the start of Hari Raya and even Deepavali (in October; chapati and briyani!). Once again, technology has [nearly] replaced the conventional telephone (you know, those land line phones) calls and greeting cards.

Ketupat (Source: stock.xchng; boy am I glad I found ketupat on a stock photos site)

So, being the progressive person that I am (ahem!), I'm one of those people sending my wishes via SMS and on Facebook. I shall not repeat myself here and I don't think I want to either.

After 54 years, I honestly wish we can do better compared to our ASEAN neighbours. Many know the laughable yardstick used by the government to gauge how "well" the economy's performing. *winks*

Sometimes it's true that "absurdity rules Malaysia" and we have a handful of leaders to thank for that. Still, I look to sporting events and those public gatherings (read BERSIH rally) to see a homogenous Malaysia. If I've said it once, I've said it a hundred times: that true harmony among the people cannot be seen on TV. I'm blessed to live everyday with these bunch of fantastic people.

When mcDonald's gets too costly, there's always Ramly burger at half the price and, depending on individuals, twice the enjoyment. Fries and Coke not included.

It is them that I think of whenever some bigots threatened to shed blood or to make BBQ. I recall the always-mirthful meals at Sungai Nibong and Hammer Bay when I'm asked to eff off (excuse me) to where I came from.

"I can't possibly go back to my mother's womb, can I?"

Fact is, this ain't a bad place to live in. Although we've had tremors and felt the aftermath of the 2004 tsunami, nobody fears a drive-by shooting whilst sipping teh tarik at the mamak stall. As far as I know, nobody scoffs at me when I dined at the warung or when I ordered burgers outside 7-Eleven.

Was I being naive? A utopian idealist hoping against hope? I sure hope not.

Rendang, need I say more?

Now after wishing everyone Selamat Hari Raya and Selamat menyambut Hari Kebangsaan, I wonder who's going to selamatkan(save) me from deadlines and a big load of stuff to type. The only thing that motivates me is the Raya open house cum Mooncake Festival cum birthday celebration this Saturday. The wound in my mouth healed nicely and I can't wait to have ketupat and rendang.

Where can I get my hands on some sparklers?

Cheers and Tears

2011-08-28T20:57:00.006+08:00

Preparations are underway for National Day as well as Hari Raya and Facebook is abuzz with updates by those on their way home. And non-Muslims join in the gaiety by posting wishes and tagging their Muslim friends.

On the other extreme, we learn of road deaths [and other mishaps] in the news and the newspaper.

The past few days have been wet and chilly with a brief period of sunshine. Still, I find it quite uncomfortable even if rainy days are great for slumber; its getting really moist in my room.

If anyone (me) thinks this small inconvenience is a pain, then wait till a hurricane touchdown. I'm sure most are familiar with Irene and the situation in the US East Coast (I prefer the alternate term Eastern Seaboard).

There you go, a pathetic attempt juxtapose the extremes. Imagine if we could take each person from both sides and cause them to switch places, I'm sure both would be really thankful. Since we can't do that, well, at least not putting people into a disaster-ravaged area, we can only encourage and help those who complain to see that "others had it worse".

Still, I fully understand the difference between saying something and then doing it. As long as it'll take, it's still possible. Gotta have faith, no? And a well-placed one too. That's when we know for certain that the light at the end of the tunnel isn't "a speeding train headed our way".

Let's rest on these:

What Faith Can Do - Kutless

Everybody falls sometimes

Gotta find the strength to rise

From the ashes and make a new beginning

Anyone can feel the ache

You think it’s more than you can take

But you're stronger, stronger than you know

Don’t you give up now

The sun will soon be shining

You gotta face the clouds

To find the silver lining
:

Clammy No More

2011-08-26T17:10:00.005+08:00

Oh yeah! The sun has decided to step away from the thick clouds and warm things up here on the ground. Two of the five garlic cloves that I buried last week have also decided its time to breach topsoil. And no, I did not arrange nor wait for all these to happen so I can type something here.

Ah, I love this! (Source: stock.xchng)

I'm not in the mood to do a lot of thinking (need some time to warm up, heheh!) so I opened up Notepad and glanced through the points I would like to include in the acknowledgement section of my thesis. Renovation works in the apartment unit below ain't making the environment more conducive; au contraire, mon ami.

Then I came to the following paragraph at the bottom of the document which was sent to me almost two years ago. Each time I read it, I'm impressed by that simple, yet profound (?), reason why people keep doing things that had been done in the past. A very good reminder [from "Sophie"] when faced with doubts and apprehension.

The same holds good for research. There are thousands of scientists who burn the midnight's oil till the day they die and people may never know them or wonder if he has even contributed to society. But when the next person picks up from where he has left, he is providing a platform on which you can continue, and maybe, the next person, is able to achieve or make some remarkable contribution to mankind. A genius at work, he may be, but if nobody researched or published papers in journals, there would be no referrals. So I think success in a society largely depends on this. I know many may disagree.

____________

Setting Windows Media Player to shuffle the playlist, the scribe thoroughly enjoyed (surprisingly) Green Day's Boulevard of Broken Dreams besides the usual flavours like Firehouse's Love of a Lifetime or Martika's Toy Soldier. He attributed that to the mind's need for something stimulating. He also strives to cut down on the excessive use of contractions – that'd easily confuse – unless necessary.

Remembering Amanda

2011-08-25T00:59:00.008+08:00

No, I don't have anyone named Amanda who has passed away. But I think I dreamt of Amanda because of the song by Boston.

Nice to listen to whilst working. It's another day of facing the computer and hammering away on the keyboard, all the while sneezing. It must be the rain; when I went out for a haircut (still getting used to the dude staring back at me in the mirror) this afternoon. For most part of the day, it's blustery, dark, and cloudy.

I'll turn in very soon. Achoo! Oh no, the mucus says hi!

Happy Birthday, Blog!

2011-08-23T20:14:00.008+08:00

Four years ago on this day, I made my first post here. In the days that follow, I’ve fiddled with the layout and picking up HTML in the process (it’s CSS now! Gosh!). It certainly wasn’t the one-stop destination for web surfers and it still isn’t; at least not for the majority of people out there.

I don’t usually keep track of August 23 until a week ago when I posted the video about Nick. Anyway, this is one place I escape to ever so frequently and speak my mind. Besides, where else I could put up my poems for ~~the world~~ some people to see if not here in my little dominion – one that’s demarcated by nothing more than a URL.

Source: alicja_sto on stock.xchng

Wicks & Waxes

Someone once asked why the site is called such and that we’re not able to count “wax”. Since I didn’t provide any explanation before, I might as well do it here. I meant for wicks to be all the posts I made, each a manifestation of my thoughts (wax) for everyone to comprehend (light). Still, though debatable, we couldn’t count wax. That’s simply the transitive verb, wax.

And then it wanes

Now, if anyone doesn’t know, it’s the opposite of wax. I wasn’t that diligent back then and there’s a time when I got too lazy to post anything here. I realized when I subject myself to some sort of routine, it takes the fun away. Still, it’s been awhile since I waxed poetic about life.

Durability of an oak

Now, it takes some discipline to faithfully do something even if that something’s an enjoyable thing to do. On some days, I do force myself to type a few words and somehow the ideas will flow then off I go until the last full stop (or period). But the one thing that kept me going then, and the same that encourages me now, is the visitors here. Knowing they read and even better, leaving their thoughts thereafter.

Quercus coccinea - Steve Baskauf

That brings me on a very significant part of this blogging journey...

It’s the best of feelings when I get told people can relate to that which I wrote (especially the poems). I don’t need each post, pictures, music, and videos to mean something to people but as long as they find one or two that’s meaningful, it felt nice. Felt.

In the last month of ’08 and early ’09, there was a back and forth correspondence with one “Sophie”. Now, Sophie was someone who appreciates what I wrote and it was nice exchanging emails over two months. Alas, some encounters do end and end it did. The last email I got was two days after my birthday. As much as I'd like to know why, I don't think I'm going to ever find out.

Oh well, I hope Sophie’s doing well right now.

Shout outs to people who visits frequently and faithfully read over the years and “Sophie” deserves a special mention: thank you. God bless you all!

O'Donnell Abu: The Prelude to Alma Mater's Call

2011-08-22T16:35:00.006+08:00

So, I learned today – from the group discussion on Facebook – that my school rally (the same one shared by all La Sallian educational institutions albeit with some variation in wordings) takes the tune from O'Donnell Abu. More about the song here.

First published c. 1843 as "The Clanconnell War Song." "Red Hugh" O'Donnell's hatred of England was based on a personal experience; as a teenager, the English had gotten him drunk and taken him prisoner. He escaped a few years later (1591), but the unfair imprisonment affected his opinions for the rest of his life. The "O'Neill" of the song is Hugh, third Baron of Dungannon and second Earl of Tyrone, one of the greatest Anglo-Irish barons of the time (1551-1616).

He became O'Neill in 1593 when his brother Turlough resigned him the position. Prior to that, he had held the barony of Dungannon from 1569 and the Tyrone earldom from 1587. He cooperated with the English more than this song might imply, but the threat to his position (Tudor bureaucracy looked likely to overcome the ancient clan loyalties) eventually pushed him toward rebellion. If the rebellion could be said to have a commander (a debatable point), he was it.
Source: Folklorist

It sure is lively then, and it certainly is now. Ah, Irish roots and then some! Let's see what else pops up 7 years after I left school. Seven already? Never a week passes without, at worst, a fleeting thought about the place. It's different walking in now than when I was still in my school uniform. Suddenly, being under the rules are way nicer than feeling like a wandering spirit. I've said it once and probably a hundred times more before, whether I'm in it now or out of it, I owe this place everything.

Chewing the Cud, Choking on Grass

2011-08-22T01:59:00.008+08:00

Weekends never tarry. They come slowly and leave quickly every time. Just when I needed more time, a new day announces itself in the form of the time and date on the system tray. It was a balmy Sunday and there I was, hunched over the LCD reading – from bootstrap analysis to enteropathogenic E. coli. Those journal articles and web pages took about 5 hours to complete.

Now, I wouldn’t remember a single thing, much less understand what I was reading, if I didn’t punctuate those 1 – 6 pm period with some less demanding materials. I trawled the net looking for graduate schools offering doctoral degrees in varsities all over the world, stopping at Singapore, Ghent, Seattle, Oregon and somehow I got caught up in the breathtaking view of Montana.

Alas, that tiny but mounting desire to pursue a doctorate was snuffed out. To digress, my decision to jump into postgraduate studies in 2008 was because I felt inadequate as a graduate. It’s a deception for anyone to think that after three years, one is qualified and competent; not me and definitely not here in Malaysia. It’s purely for knowledge and to better train myself; which is why I wasn’t in a rush to complete everything in under a year.

Now when I’m ready to take my life as a student / researcher to the next level, I’m faced with the prospect of having to give it all up and settle for a job somewhere in the country. All I could hope for is that my government establishes (and broadens bilateral) ties with more countries as far as education is concerned.

That light at the end of the road (?). One evening on the North-South Expressway

From Sweden to Switzerland, scholarships are offered to students from a rather long list of developing countries and when you thought your country is there somewhere (owing to a number of high profile pacts with MIT, Johns Hopkins, and scholarships to Harvard), you’re stupefied to not see your country in it but your neighbours are there.

Maybe my government is committed only to world class (assuming the rest aren’t) education in renowned institutions and I’m better off applying here at home. Then it hits me: the selection process is shady and reeks of biasness.

Some would say to me, if I’m so good why don’t I seek out scholarships from my institution of choice? To which I answer, even if I know I’m damn good, how am I going to raise that sum of money for the flight ticket and the fees for the first term so I can get registered to be eligible? Still, many will come with many propositions without knowing the state I’m in. Also, I'm not one that will just settle for the next convenient pasture and do something I'm totally not interested in.

I’m in good spirit, still. One more channel to pursue: USM’s Academic Staff Training Scheme. Upon completion of studies, there’s a 7-year bond to the varsity. Ready for another bad news? The selection process is like what I mentioned before and I know who will be in the panel. Ah, life on Earth sure is colourful! Let’s hope when (if that happens) I get selected, I’d be able to charm them with whatever appeal that’s left in me – nothing much to begin with.

So, those research and sulking took all afternoon and come dinnertime, I was swallowing the spaghetti, mushroom and mussels. After that, it’s another few hours of protein folding, oxidative damage, and metering in photography.

Just before calling it a [backbreaking, shoulder-hurting, and heart-hairline-craking] day, I said “hey” to a friend on MSN only to get a cold response. Well, problems of the heart ain’t easy for some so I smiled, gave her my best, and said good night.

My obsession with the sun (sigh): One morning whilst cruising along Gurney Drive.

So, here I am. I’m supposed to post something about the ocean, underwater trenches and a sinusoidal graph here but I think I’m no longer in the mood for that. Time to dream of shopping at the Portland Farmers Market and wander the streets of Bruges.

Man vs Machine, not!

2011-08-19T23:21:00.005+08:00

Does anyone remember Borat and his "Not!" joke?

This is how my laptop looks like, six years and a month ago. It's no longer as polished as the one shown above and there are dark patches where my palms rest. I’m not dirty when I say “dark patches” but more like the silver coating has worn off. Other than the DVD-ROM drive that no longer reads discs, everything else still functions. Okay, I replaced the keyboard some years back.

I’ve been hearing complaints from my friends about how their relationship with their laptops crash and burn (literally) or on the rocks after just three years [and ended the next]. I looked at my A50 and gave it a kiss. No I didn’t do that.

It was a gift from a family friend (a couple) but I was given the freedom to choose. Long story short, I ended up with the Toshiba and they were rather pleased. I suspect it’s due in part to the fact that they’re Japanese? And they know Toshiba lasts. Six years on, I can tell you it’s a tough machine.

With the A50, I’ve had the joy of burning rubber on the streets with sirens wailing behind in both installments of Need For Speed – Underground 2 and Most Wanted (go Josie Maran!). And who can forget the joy of winning the World Cup, English League, or to trade players and build stadiums in the FIFA series? Or Blizzard’s Starcraft and Warcraft? Did I mention, too, that I almost threw up playing SWAT 4 for too long? Motion sickness. And I’m back using taser on non-compliant suspects soon after.

Glad I swapped out the 512MB of memory for 2GB modules. Now, it’s semi-retired and only does things like processing a 70-page dissertation in 2008 and another 100 pages in these few months. Lately, I’ve been using it for photomanipulation on Gimp and occasionally, DotA with my friends. As happy as I am with this buddy of mine, I can’t help but feel left out every time new games or apps are released and the system requirements are almost ridiculous.

The day will come when I’ll get one i7 workhorse with an equally powerful GPU. Then, I’d explore the possibilities of learning video processing and of course, games like Call of Duty: Black Ops. Still, that might take at least two more years.

For now, I’m pleased with my laptop. It’s been a rewarding journey; blogging, malware-removal training, programming, graphics, music and movie nights! Some things last and some don’t, some last longer whilst some never took off. It’s the same for the A50 and everything else. Gotta learn to be thankful and to let go should the situation demands it, right?

Counting My Blessings

2011-08-17T21:31:00.004+08:00

On the way to the washroom, I walked past a table where a family of four sits and overheard their conversation. Dad was discussing sports with Son whilst Daughter was busy tapping away on her iPhone. I did my business and a minute or two later walked by the same table again.

Now, mum is seated between Dad and Daughter. Dad has his arm over the chair, tip of his fingers slightly resting on Mum’s shoulder. Dad roared in delight, Son clutched his gut as Mum looked with fondness at dear Daughter – her complexion as red as a tomato.

I sat a few feet away and strained my ears; wanting to eavesdrop and figure out what’s so funny. Also, I now learn that peripheral vision sure is very limited.

Ok, that was a re-creation and combination of similar experience in the past.

Sometimes, don’t we all feel like we’re perpetually locking horns with our parents whilst others are like the best of friends with theirs? When ours dictate without listening, we tried to reason with them only to be silenced. Then we started comparing, yearning, and hoping – wistfully – to miraculously be a son or daughter to that “perfect” parent.

Like it or not, we’re stuck with wherever God puts us in. It’s been chosen for us and in obedience we learn to honour them. This thought’s been nagging at me ever since I read the line that sounded like this: How can I hurt my dad?

I don’t know if that question was posed for fun or otherwise and I don’t know what the dude went through. One thing’s for sure, I can relate to people wanting something like the opening scenario above.

Source: stock.xchng

I can’t say I grow up in a felicitous but I didn’t experience a Spartan upbringing either. Mum and dad (or do you prefer ‘father and mother’?) worked hard to ensure we’re well-fed and our schoolbags are well-equipped, for which I’m thankful. Somehow I felt they missed, what is perhaps, the one important thing I was (and still am) looking for: to listen.

And I realized I’m not the only experiencing that. Was it education? Culture? Parents they think (rightly and wrongly) that if the child’s well-fed and the fee’s all paid, they’ve shown love. Well, partly at best. There’s seldom time for a get-together where everyone just sits down talk about what’s happened the week before – in a relaxing and honest environment I may add. Even if there’s a Q&A, it’s got to do with whether the cash flow’s sustainable. Over the years, barriers are built and people drift apart. Now, to even show affection seemed like an insurmountable task with lots of awkwardness thrown in.

Some parents are overly protective, so much so that they limit their children’s mingling with people. Well, I wasn’t that restricted but I was taught to choose my friends wisely. As discriminatory as it seemed, that cynicism do help at times. But I’m old enough know to not judge people from the get-go but to let them show us what they’re made of.

Looking back and looking at the present, regardless of how they fared, parents just want the best for their children even if it meant their children bemoaning their parenting skills. Love means many things to many parents. Love means setting curfew to some whilst to others, it means letting them out and walking with them. Love also means asking if food is sufficient but it also means asking whether there’s an emotional distress that needs an ear and a shoulder. Love to some definitely means stuffing you with food and deaf to your pleading whilst another, out of love, never imposes.

Love means so many things. And to my group, love means posting this on a blog to come to terms (or was it called reconcile?) with the sort of parenting one has to err... endure for more than two decades.

Still... Parents, why don’t you listen sometime?! Your child might not be as reasonable as me! Haha! I don’t know, there are times I’m really frustrated but there never was a time that I wished harm on them.

I tell myself what I’ve been telling people; that I don’t grow and sustain myself since day zero on sunlight.

Back When

2011-08-16T00:42:00.003+08:00

A friend shared a video on her Facebook wall and the moment I hit play, a familiar face greeted me. I've seen this guy somewhere and half a seconds later, I remembered. Nick was the reason I penned a short verse back in 2007; August 23 to be exact.

When I finished, I wasn't sure where I'd post that and it hit me, I'd have my own corner here in cyberspace. The rest, like they say, is history.

Four years on and over 250 posts later, I'm glad I'm still the same inside. Still that guy who prefers the quiet of his house and declining many invites to "hang out". By certain definition, I'm what they call a loser. But if not getting wasted and to spend money unnecessarily is deemed a loser, then I gladly embrace it. There's nothing more important to me than to be who I really am. Of course, I don't live a cloistered life. I had my share of fun these years with wonderful people I've met along the way.

I suppose I'm thankful to God for doing what He's done thus far; for with my own strength, I wouldn't be the person I am today. Looking at how Nick lives, I'm all the more thankful for what I have at this moment. Still, many times I find myself whine and complain too much. I'm sure many do that too (right? :)) and somehow we seem to be so prone to take things for granted. Seen that ever so often in myself, people around me, and even on Y!A.

And Nick comes along to sort of put us in our place. I need to be more appreciative of the goodness showered upon me each day, even if it meant the slice of sponge cake on the table is still edible – for lunch.

Enjoy the clip. It's been four years and he's enjoying his life since the first day I "met" him online.

Back when...

Here's the very first post that I mentioned above: Life Without Limbs

And the Glory Goes to...

2011-08-15T00:32:00.006+08:00

Remember I wrote about how much I like looking at randomly-lit cityscape painted by artificial lights set in front of a dark background? I was looking through the pictures I snapped with my camera phone (funny how they’d come up with the name) and most are pictures of the sky. Not totally skies but you know, more up and than down?

Also, those pictures are usually warm which means they’re either taken at dawn or dusk. It’s during sunset that I feel really at ease and letting the throes of the day fade into the darkness. No doubt the sunrise is a sight to behold but where I am, we usually anticipate a hot and sweaty day ahead.

It’s different about 12 hours later when it’s dry and the mercury’s falling. You’d feel things beginning to slow down reaching equilibrium with how intense the wave hits the rock. Soon, life begins both here on the ground and up in the sky.

I’m glad I was there with my trusty Sony Ericsson K530i.

Early in the morning with the white balance set to "cloudy"


Some time in the morning

Late one evening at USM

A wonderful place to be in the evening; more so if its breezy. This is the "rock"-y place I was talking about. Across the road from Queensbay Mall.

Teluk Kumbar: Out looking for seafood and since dinner takes a while to be served...

Ok, now I’m being effusive and at the same time, bland. Perhaps, this God-suspired nature is able to communicate its splendour – differently every time – to everyone who takes time to see.

The heavens declare the glory of God; the skies proclaim the work of his hands.
Day after day they pour forth speech; night after night they reveal knowledge.
They have no speech, they use no words; no sound is heard from them.
Yet their voice goes out into all the earth, their words to the ends of the world.
Psalm 19:1-4

Lord, regardless whether one prefers 7 am or 7 pm, I thank you for each new day and your providence throughout.

A ⇔ B and REM

2011-08-14T15:49:00.003+08:00

I love you... that is if you love me too.

When I read that, I went, “What the {bleep}? Really?”

And then I realized that I shouldn’t be surprised by that. Judging by how things work today, there are many who’d subscribe to that. Well, I think it’ll be easier to count how the number of people who don’t operate in that manner.

I wonder what Amanda’s like. I haven’t “seen” her since last Wednesday but I had a less-than-lovely dream last night. I went at a thief with a hammer and he fired two shots at me; both found their way into my chest. Lucky for me, I lived to use a different approach the next time around.

Another warm Sunday afternoon and I’m going to take a nap after finishing the 4-minute clip on Buttermilk Fried Chicken. Do look up “foodwishes” on YouTube. You’d drool every time. I know I did, with a little rumbling in the tummy.

Note from a Math weakling: (material equivalence) A ⇔ B means A is true if B is true and A is false if B is false.

A Cracking Day, Breaking Wind

2011-08-12T13:14:00.004+08:00

Nevermind the title. Those words just came to me after I finished typing.

It’s one of those mornings that really lift your spirit to the point that you’d feel yourself float a few centimetres off the ground as you walked. I have to pick this one up later. Time to go for dim sum with a bunch of friends.

***

And I’m back; after two hours of Chinese tea and some sinfully (read oily) delicious food. Those, coupled with a good laugh with Wendy, Raj, PKC, and LGL. It’s a very good day indeed.

A very breezy – almost blustery – morning and the sunlight wonderfully diffused. Traffic was smooth and it’s a joy to drive; well, it’s a joy for me to drive everyday – the hilly pass and the long, fast straights.

Jelutong Expressway: This doesn't look like much but at 9:30 am, it's really my best-loved kinda weather

Maybe I’d upload some pics later. I know, I know, it’s dangerous to not fully concentrate on the road but well, it’s one of those days. If only everyday is cloudy when I’m awake and it starts to pour when I’m about to sleep.

I don’t think I’ll be having lunch since breakfast is still in transit waiting for the pyloric sphincter to open.

Last night, I posted a question on Y! A (Yahoo! Answers if you don't already know what this is) regarding some Russian letters and a person by the name of Val volunteered to record some words and sent it over to me; which she did two hours later. Ah, I’m so thankful for that wonderful gesture. Thank you, Val, whoever you are. Большое спасибо!

I guess it’s time for me to end here and start yakking with Wendy, who came all the way to Penang just to visit us in the lab. I love Friday. Don’t you?

Edited 6 pm with pictures and a few lines.

Here's what I'd see if I have to get up earlier than usual for meetings with my supervisor. You can bet I'll go trigger-happy with my phone.

At about 6:40 am

Favourite part of my journey (both ways): Up (and down) the hill. Air's great... until about 7-iah

A really smooth journey all the way until USM. Then a stopover for breakfast consisting of teh tarik and roti canai. Beautiful, innit?

All in a 35-minute journey.

Eating My Way Through... Part 2

2011-08-10T17:58:00.008+08:00

Tug, tug. Snip, snip. And the stitches were removed. We waited for a little over an hour before we’re called into the exam room. As usual, our dentist was all smiles and asked how each of us held up against the swelling during the whole of last week. The three of us spoke for about five minutes, thanked her and then opened the door to freedom. At least that’s what I’d like to think. It’s going to be about another week or so before the “crater” will be overgrown with tissues.

I’m already thinking how I’m going to season my potatoes and sauté them. There are fishes too and maybe I’ll think of something later. If before this I chronicled my tussle with post-op troubles, the days weren’t without some pleasant occurrences.

For a start, I could have ice cream anytime I want and the first two nights I skipped brushing my teeth. Before anyone starts cringing, I did swirl a mouthful of chlorhexidine solution.

Everyone around me seemed nicer; not that they’re unfriendly before this but somehow they’re softer and they have that concerned look with eyes that went, “You poor thing. Let me know if you need anything.” See? I told you it wasn’t that bad; so much so I can start to daydream and thought that I revolve around them.

The most delightful of events in the past week has got to be this one vivid dream. It was at a counter where students can make reservations to use a lecture hall for their activities. It’s situated along the busy corridor of the main lecture hall complex and the person on duty that night is my Genetics lecturer.

Here I am, discussing details of the reservation as well as that of the unknown event with a girl; all the while checking the application form. Names, time, equipments. She’s Chinese but has that Pan-Asian looks and she's really fair. Her dark hair hung down over her shoulders terminating between the ends of her scapula. Ok, shoulder blades. She possesses a smile that warms; and not beguiling or else I’d be running away even in my dreams.

Just before we leave the counter – gosh, I can’t imagine Prof N as the guy handling the bookings of the varsity’s facilities – I remember asking, “Hey, will we meet again?”

She smiled and nodded.

I walk her to the car park; up the ramp towards an awaiting car. She opens the door, we say our goodbyes, and the door then shut with a muffled thud. The window tint cast a bluish-green hue on that oval face as she smiled and waved. And the car speed off. A white, late model Toyota Camry with the registration plate: PJE and some-four-digits-with-8-and-3 in them. Somehow, I look up into the sky and heave a deep sigh. It’s her boyfriend’s car. Funny how I’d know that.

Do I still regard that as pleasant? Well, majority of the dream (at least what I remembered clearly) wasn’t about the driver of the car. So yeah, I suppose I am. Good thing is, she’s not some person that I know existed and definitely not from one of those tv ads; though her looks have a semblance (not resemblance) of an acquaintance. I remembered those letters written in the “Name” field: Amanda.

Yes, yes. People dream and it’s not that big a deal, really. Nevertheless, I find it nice to wake up to a total recollection of that part of the dream and not to a dry mouth.

Eating My Way Through... Part 1

2011-08-09T18:09:00.001+08:00

And thus, with six hours left on the sixth day, I look forward to the next sunrise when the sutures/stitches will be removed and the area assessed by the dentist. The first two days after surgery weren’t pleasant. The pain was almost gone on the first night but the swelling starts soon after.

I had to open my mouth – no, more like not able to shut it properly – as my upper tooth will rest directly on the swollen area of the gum. Fine, I thought. I’d prop my head on two pillows, tilted it slightly to the right and downwards, and go to sleep. Giving myself an imaginary pat on the back, I went to sleep.

I was jolted from my slumber and I remember opening my mouth (seemed like reflex on hindsight) sucking in some air in a vain attempt to sooth the pain. Somehow, my brain decided then to tell the jaws to shut. Tight.

Now I got smarter and on the second night, I rolled some dental gauze pads together and place them between my premolars on the right; a good distance from the left side should the gauze fall inside my mouth. I awoke to a very dry mouth the next day.

Eating wasn’t a nice experience. Due to the minimal jaw opening, I had to use a teaspoon to feed myself. Although I made killer (or nearly so) mash potatoes, it’s so difficult to spoon a small amount mash and slowly introduce it into the buccal cavity. Any bigger and I’d be kissing the mash.

Fast forwarding...

Today I had porridge for lunch. Five days of mash potatoes seemed like too much for too long. The area where the partially erupted tooth used to be now looked puffy and it felt much smaller when I tried biting down. And it slightly red but pink overall. I need to sink my teeth into some meat soon.

And oh, I'll be having rice vermicelli for dinner. Soup's ready. The scent of seaweed, mushroom, dried scallops, and sesame oil beckons. I might as well cook the vermicelli now.

Fragmented something something

2011-08-03T19:14:00.002+08:00

It took about 90 minutes to remove my particularly deep and stubborn tooth. The reason I’m typing this is to get my mind off the dull, throbbing pain. Gosh! It’s annoying and I don’t want to pop too many pills within two hours.

Man, it’s not nice at all. My mind’s empty and my fingers are hitting the key nearly randomly. Ok, not random or else you’ll get smoetinhg lkie tihs. Now I’m being absurd. I can’t think clearly and I’m hungry.

It’s fortunate that the blood’s clotted. Let’s hope the swelling is minimal over the next couple of days. I remember the green garb put over my face with a square hole for my mouth to be exposed. Are holes square? Or are they round? Or is it circle because there’s a hole? It’s rather terrifying to be able to hear but not see a thing.

The pint-sized dentist was gentle but boy, she’s strong. After the sectioning, she’d pluck them out. Pluck(?!) I’m losing my marbles. I didn’t have any to begin with (literally-speaking). The sound of the tooth sections being separated from the alveolar bone was sickening.

I looked at what I typed and I thought to myself, my being disorderly; funny and never happened when I write. No, when I type.

Did I mention that I sent a few text messages out and didn’t manage to read them? For the next 87 minutes, I was hoping the tooth fall out soon. Feeling the familiar soft fibers brushing my lips was soothing. Calming.

“She is suturing ground zero.”

The rest needs no further description. Pain still lingers. Not good. And I’ve finished my rather fragmented thoughts; much like what I saw when she laid out my tooth – or what’s left of my tooth – after the procedure.

And oh, scenes from Saw (film) kept playing in my mind. Gosh!

Thank you Dr. Aswani and we'll see you during Kak Mimi's Raya open house.

The Sum of...

2011-08-01T00:09:00.002+08:00

I like the part when he went:

You can count on me like one, two, three
I'll be there and I know when I need it
I can count on you like four, three, two
And you'll be there 'cause that's what friends
Are supposed to do...

Saw that [shared] on Facebook for the second time now and I must say that it’s really sweet what they did (using Flash?). Good to know that there’s still a song written about friendship. For me, it’s nice to listen to this one and putting away – for a little while – those lovey-dovey, queasy-cheesy lyrics chronicling the passion between two souls.

Ok, I exaggerated. If the songs are in my playlist then they’re all hunky-dory. Not too much, not too scarce, just Julian-ish.

August 1. Dang!

Whispering in the Dark

2011-07-31T02:03:00.006+08:00

Hello World!

Ah, those two words marked my foray into the world of programming. Back in varsity, I’m presented with two choices for a compulsory subject: Calculus or Programming (in C++). Being the idiot in math, I’d naturally go for computer stuff. How wrong I was; to think it’s about writing a working program. We have to work out the mathematical formulae to calculate the value of some spheres and some stuff about progression. I wonder how I survived that one.

Oh, I’m getting pretty good at C++ now besides Visual Basic and Java. Thanks to the fantastic books by John Smiley from the library. The best thing is that I don’t have to cram everything in 14 weeks. Just go at my own pace in a "simulated classroom atmosphere"

Stock from stock.xchng

It’s 1:32 AM right now and I can hear the revving from a performance exhaust in the distance. Saturday nights are never old, are they? I looked out my window just now and pretended I saw that beautiful skyline of Portland, Oregon. I don’t know, besides aurora and some deserted highlands, I love looking at randomly-lit cityscapes with their reflections on the water. Call me short-sighted since Johor might look just as great at night when viewed from across the strait in Singapore. The Kuching waterfront too, for that matter. Still, I like the night time view of the Red Square in Moscow, New York, Tallinn, Chicago, Bruges, and many more places fitting my inadequate description. Speaking of New York, CSI:NY and The Apprentice did well to win me over; yellow cabs, dark buildings, dark orangey sky, and steam rising up from some manhole or pipe.

Anyway, if you’d rummage through my archive you’d see my other make-believe journeys to Vienna and my favourite places: Arizona, Colorado, Utah, and New Mexico; although I didn’t make a direct reference to them. Back then (and I still do), I was thinking about mountains, valleys, and plains.

Eyes are getting heavy. I’ve just finished answering questions on YAHOO! ANSWERS. Figured, earlier, that since I’ve got nothing to do, maybe I’d help the folks out in Biology but I ended up answering more questions in the Relationship section, telling smitten kids to go easy (you know what I mean), giving my two cents to lovelorn guys, and imploring pregnant mothers to stay off alcohol – sending them to CDC’s site on Fetal Alcohol Spectrum Disorders (FASD). Ha! What’s gotten to me? Too much damaging “answers’ on Y!A maybe? I'm not a pro and with failures of my own, I'm just another person who 'understands' what the other person goes through.

Time to turn in. Good night. Or спокойной ночи . Yes, I’m glad to announce I can read Russian now but I don’t understand [virtually] a word of what I read. I’d need Google translate for that. Learning the Russian alphabets is fun and easy. Try it sometime. Takes no more than 4 hours and a few hours each day, thereafter, to recap. Hope life's treating everyone well. I'm not feeling particularly happy but I hope I did some good for someone among the 6 billion. =)

One Cent at a Time

2011-07-29T21:58:00.004+08:00

Dear Sir,

You have to pay RM 750 prior to handing in 10 copies of your thesis. Pay up!

Well, I’ve summarized the contents of the letter I received from the varsity's Institute of Postgraduate Studies today. They weren’t that blunt but still, they’re asking me for money.

Anyway, it did occur to me where and how I’m going to come up with that amount without clearing out my savings. I guess it’s one of those times when one’s faith is being tested.

Did I mention I landed myself a job? I haven’t replied to the email yet but before you think it’s some four figure salary kind of job, it’s just a part time job. What I have to do is write articles and for an article of about 500 words, I get paid RM 5. That's about a cent per word. So, RM 745 left to go if, and when, I finished my first article.

Hmm... Do I sound distressed? Honestly, I’m fine here. And it’s Friday. Time sure flies when you’ve made an appointment with the dentist. Speaking of the dentist, I was told I might have to pay a small amount [in the range of 0 – 50]. Let’s see how it went.

That’s just a fraction of what people pay in private hospitals. I think private dental clinics charge that much too. Last I heard, it costs four hundred ringgit per tooth to four grand if one chooses to stay for a few days. Ah, fortunate people.

I know the reactions of some people when they hear the word “government” or “public”. But I’ve had some pleasant experience in the past so yeah; I’ll put my money there. That is if I have to pay at all. Alright, enough of dentists and hospitals for now. This is what I watched before I typed this. So, click and watch it. Its 10 cents per view for the kids in Kenya.

Here’s Jubilee Project’s Picture This. A fundraiser with The Supply Education Group. Enjoy!

Bracing Myself

2011-07-27T23:53:00.005+08:00

Exactly a week from now around this time, I can be sure that I’ll be holding an ice pack to my left cheek. We (PKC and myself) made an appointment to see the dentist to remove our wisdom teeth (or in my case, tooth; but it’s still teeth for him).

Whilst he’s in some kind of pain, I’m feeling some throbbing sensation to my impacted mandibular third molar every now and then. The decision to get it extracted was made due, in part, to the fact that I’d like to enjoy the food at Kak Mimi’s open house during Hari Raya. Also, it’s unnerving to wait for the day when the area around my impacted tooth finally gets infected and then things would get really complicated.

I’m more afraid of the post-operative pain [stemming from alveolar osteitis] than the extraction process. But as shown on YouTube, the process is rather bloody. I’ve spent hours reading (generally and on scientific journals) about wisdom tooth extraction the all the possible side effects. Let’s hope things go well, especially the three days after surgery.

Funny. I’ve been linking an impacted tooth to life. Somehow if things are supposed to be removed, they’d get removed. And it’s always the aftermath that people feel the full weight (is this a correct word?) of the whole affair – the pain; dull, pulsating, throbbing, and sometimes searing. I’m just imagining the pain. I promise to describe them in detail soon after it heals, alright?

For now, I’m in the mood for some nice music. And I’m being nice (always have been, no?) by sharing it with you.

Here’s Christian Kane with Thinking of You. Look up the lyrics and see it they mean anything to you. I’m too lazy to dissect them. I'm sorry. (“,)

Dating My Friends

2011-07-22T22:41:00.009+08:00

January 13; February 13, 16, and 25; March 25, and 28; April 22; May 5, and 15; October 10; November 6, 17, and 21; and December 31. There you go, dates served up by my about-a-quarter-of-a-century mind. I’m not trying to prove anything other than the fact that I have people to wish on their birthday on both halves of the year.

Ok. That was a pathetic attempt to breathe some gaiety into the opening lines. But, it’s a Friday! Why the dates, you might ask? Well, one of the simplest things to remember about people and one that doesn’t change is the date of birth. And then on to more personalized preferences such as color, food, clothing, and the sometimes quirky list goes on.

Does the act of remembering or simply having a good memory the hallmark of a worthy friend? Nay, don’t think so. After all, it’s just natural we put all the dates into Google Calendar. Wait, Facebook will do a better job. *winks*

I’d like to think of myself as a trustworthy and a dependable person to all my friends. It’s not that I’m forced or anything. I’d just do whatever I can knowing full well that I’m human too – that there’s every possibility that I’d fail sometimes.

Be it malware, blue screens of death, 8100030d errors, toothache, dying pets, or YouTube links, I’d attend to them all. Weird right? Come to think about those things, I’m thankful because it felt really good after that; knowing that the binaries are back where they should belong. Oh, if it weren’t for those Youtube links on my IM, I wouldn’t have heard of WongFu Productions (yet) or be treated to some of the nicest music. Yes, I enjoyed the MADtv skits, too, but I much prefer Russell Peters.

Still, sometimes I’m tempted to go, “Told ya. Serves you right.”

That’s when their legs got bitten off swimming in a shark infested area despite being amply warned beforehand. I suppose I’d rather have a limbless friend than a dead one. Here comes J!

So, take 5 minutes and think of someone close to you – someone who used to be – and see how many things you recall about that person. Most importantly, think of something noteworthy each of you did for the other.

Done? Pray for that person.

And I’d leave you will the following words by Maya Angelou,

...people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.

Good night, people.

The author believes in giving everyone (friends and family) his best because they deserve it. Although dating means more than just a romantic courtship or some sort of meeting, the results that Google return usually points to that sort of dating. He recommends adding the word 'radioactive' in front of the search query.

The Little Boy at the Window

2011-07-20T19:19:00.003+08:00

So, I went to the mall (Gurney Plaza) today in search of some postcards. I have MPH bookstore in mind too since I’ve been patronizing Borders (at Queensbay Mall) in the past years. If you don’t already know, virtually all bookstores here in Malaysia are located in malls. No one would want to read of my love for books and bookstores so I’ll just stop here.

But, I love spending my time there. Alright, I won’t say anymore. I promise.

[Fast forward to my making payment at the counter and walking out of the place]

I walked past a crowd of tourist milling outside Artist Gallery, the music and home entertainment store. Funny that they sell DVDs instead of artworks. Maybe "artist" is missing an “e”. Anyway, I continued walking. This time passing a Logitech store and both the G25 and G27 racing wheels caught my attention. Complete with a bucket seat and a wide screen TV.

"These are rich kids’ toys," I thought to myself.

Not feeling anything negative in particular although I must admit that my eyes used gleam when met with one of these units on display. Ah, what are simulation racing games without a proper wheel...

Anyway, after I passed by mobile phone and camera (one of my interests) retailers, I reached Evolution Music House. A very different ambience greeted me. I stood in front of the store but not directly at the entrance; more like a few feet to the left near the huge glass window. Pianos and keyboards at one corner, guitars suspended on the racks bolted to the wall, and drum sets on a raised platform screaming their brands at me.

There are reasons I stopped and peered into the place. The guitars. The man – I think the employee on hindsight – at the piano playing one of the most soothing tunes I’ve heard. But a family of four was the focal point. They were at the guitar section. Mum attending to the lil’ guy whilst the younger daughter looked on. Perhaps her turn at the piano will come soon. And dad was talking to one employer near the counter.

I was genuinely happy at what I saw. So much so I felt my lips pursed into a slight smile. Parents taking interest in their children and letting them choose what they like instead of imposing on them. Yes, I don’t know why they were there or the reason behind why mum and dad wanted to start their kids on music, but it’s so nice to see how involved they were.

For what I didn’t have then, I wasn’t feeling rueful nor am I now. After all, I can always teach myself to play [the guitar or any other things] like what I’m doing now. It’s just one of those days when you’re delighted with what you see.

Perhaps, I’d write about loving parents missing their child’s needs and ended up stifling them next.

Life as I Know It

2011-07-17T13:23:00.003+08:00

[I] have been rather sedentary lately. But unlike the pictures that may be popping up in your mind when I mention sedentary, I’m sitting as opposed to lying down and I’m facing my laptop instead of the television. Well, I do turn to see what’s on the TV screen every now and then.

So what have I been up to lately? For a start, I did a lot of thinking (which is quite usual) and a lot less hop-skipping on the net from blogs to blogs or from videos to videos (on Youtube). I’ve taken up, rather seriously, digital art / photo-manipulation. Serious sounded like I need to do that or I’d be out on the streets but actually, it’s more like I’m spending a lot more time on Gimp (I'm not rich enough to afford Photoshop) working on images and creating new stuff. If only I’d show such dedication when working on my thesis.

The deviantART logo by *Utao. How nice is that?

Besides noting (and sketching) down ideas for poems (and art), I’m making good progress on the fretboard of my guitar; at least that’s what I’d like to think. You see, I can’t sing and I’m not even the “bathroom singer” type. So much for music, eh? Photography and videography would be the two things I’d like to get my hands into. Too much theory on these subjects amounts to nothing if I don’t even know how to handle the equipments, yes? I think I’m going to put these on hold since what I’m currently doing costs nearly nothing. Yes, I’m broke. But I’m not brought up and taught to spend thoughtlessly either.

These days, all I make in the kitchen (that is if I am in the kitchen) is... instant noodle. See? I’m not even “making” things now. I’m “preparing”. Gone were the pizza-making days (and chapatti too), chicken schnitzels and the good ol’ oriental dishes. Man, times are hard indeed.

Jack of all trades, master of none. Familiar? It’s for self-satisfaction that I do what I do, really. After all, it’s only a matter of time when my life will be dedicated to “tilling the ground and eat my food with sweat running from my brow” (paraphrasing mine). I’d no longer have time picking up new things. As it stands now, I have yet to decide what I’m going to do with my life. *jumping in delight*

Time to look up the [part time] job ads, work on my deviation (as artistic products are called on deviantART), and have a look at my thesis. Maybe I should take some time off to visit my first love, reading.

Mile Marker 418: End of a Chapter

2011-07-13T15:53:00.009+08:00

So, here’s the end of the journey. By that I mean the end of a colourful and a very memorable period of my life yet. I’d use the entire adjectives in the English lexicon but still, I wouldn’t be able to reproduce that wonderful feeling in everyone reading this.

They’re special in their own way – conspicuous or otherwise. Every mention of the lab and every piece of picture evoked both gladness and a tinge of poignancy: glad to have established that bond and poignant because two years ain’t enough.

I’m well aware that there will be (and there has been) a getting together but it’s different. Like most people, we always hope that the good things don’t go away. Still, I’m happy to see them all settled down in their respective locations and I’m worried when one or two complain about work-related illness.

The bond is real, the mirth genuine, and the openness something to envy. We’re not pretentious and that love we display beats the grandiosity in which racial integration is being portrayed in the media. If we’re anything to go by, then what people see on the silver screen promoting racial harmony is everything but. We don’t need a list of standard protocols because we’ve achieved that.

Here's more food to mark our mates' departure: Asyura - undergraduates - Kak Mimi - undergraduates & birthday celebration

Regardless whether they’re undergraduate students on a relatively short sojourn or a postgraduate researcher with a seemingly endless amount of work to do, these people deserve a mention. A shout out to them that has appeared in Mile Marker 418: Loh Keat Lay, Mimi Taib, Poh Keng Chong, Teh Boon Aun, Lim Wui Chen, Lim Gaik Ling, Firdaus Latif, Shamimah Parveen, Nur Asyura, V. Kithalakshmi, Kelvin Swee Chuan Wei, Erna, Kang Wen Tyng, Khairiah, Shi Rou, Amira Suriaty, Rajiv Ravi, Sinan, Kiourmasi, Joanne Lee Yenping, Haw Boon Ping, Yusof, Yen Ying, Xiao Wei, Eric, Sok Wah, Shau Leong, and not wanting anyone to be last in the list, me.

I hold each and everyone close to my heart.

BERSIH 2.0: Looking Back and Looking Forward

2011-07-11T23:56:00.001+08:00

Post-709. Damage control in progress. Still, I couldn’t believe my ears (or eyes, for that matter) when I get to know how the rally is being attacked (by the local mainstream media of course) and the support the rally got from the people, both at home and abroad, downplayed.

As the Prime Minister (I thought he’d do better) continues to be in denial, videos and photographs controverting his statements, claims, and praises [for the police] are aplenty. I felt really sad to watch how the police kicked one dude in the CS smokescreen. That’s low!

Here a nice vid I watched some moments ago. And videos such as this should be easy to find on Youtube now. Look out for the girl who shouted [back at the police I think] near the end of the video. That one gripped me! I think it was her anguish that I felt then.

And taking the acronym WYSIWYG, I suppose that words on the streets were true after all.

Anyway, after the rally, the #bersihstories hashtag was trending on Twitter. And this site here has the tweets. Head on over to bersihstories.

Lastly, I’d like to pay tribute to Madam Annie Ooi (or Aunty Annie a.k.a Aunty BERSIH). She, like the man in my previous post, attended the rally and their firmness of purpose touched me (and everyone else I’m sure). They have nothing to gain from all this except making this country a better place to live in for the younger generations.

Aunty Annie

This is the Facebook page created for her: Aunty Bersih – The lady of liberty

Of course, things aren’t that bad everywhere. Some had it better in other hotspots. And there are many who played “medic”, helping fellow Malaysians being overwhelmed by teargas and chemical-laced water. I salute them.

It was a day when we got together as Malaysians, stood (err... walked?) for a common cause, and shouted in one tongue. That, people, is the making of a better Malaysia.

BERSIH 2.0: We've Done Ourselves Proud

2011-07-09T16:56:00.012+08:00

At home and abroad.

It’s over. I’ve been following the updates closely and I must say, at times I felt the lachrymal glands acting up. BERSIH is, and always has been, a peaceful gathering by members of the civil society. Of course, many things aren't going to show in the mainstream media tonight and tomorrow.

The same can’t be said about our men in blue though. Words on the ground may be exaggerated but if you read about the same thing for over 2 hours, that couldn’t have been lies. And oh, teargas was fired into the compounds of Tung Shin Hospital. Click here for pictures of the rally by Azlan Zamhari.

All in all, hundreds – including BERSIH Chairperson Ambiga Sreenevasan – were arrested (over 600 according to the number on the Police’s Facebook page). Teargas and water cannons were fired into crowds of people armed with only their desire to clamour for electoral reforms.

Shaking hands with the men in blue. See? They're supposed to protect us, not--

At 4 pm, they dispersed. For these people who began trickling into the city in the morning, it was a time when they’re Malaysian. It was a time when they’re not identified by the colour of their skin. For decades, we’re driven apart and taught to alienate one another. I truly hope today taught us what it means to be Malaysians. After all, we’re called Malaysians when we’re abroad.

Speaking of Malaysians at-large, the rally Down Under was a success. A stark contrast compared to how the crowds were greeted back home. I’ve spent some time gathering the photos and I’m sure in a week or so, the Global BERSIH 2.0 rally will have a complete collection. Click here for BERSIH the world over.

Good job, Malaysians. It’s a shame I stayed home today whilst this man walked with the rest.

Hidup rakyat!

[Edit: Here's the link to photos of the Global BERSIH 2.0 gatherings/ralllies]

BERSIH 2.0

2011-07-09T00:57:00.006+08:00

[Edit 1214, July 9: I'm following Live updates on anilnetto.com and on LoyarBurok]

What a week it’s been: mass arrest, an audience with the King, and reneged words. I wonder if we’d made it to the list of “Top Ten Places You Have To Laugh At Before You Die” yet. See, by now many so called patriots (not the UMNO Youth’s Patriot movement) would have branded me a traitor. It’s spun in such a way that the moment you speak out against the government of the day, you’re an anarchist; hell-bent on destroying the country. It doesn’t matter if it’s a call against corruption or a rare earth processing plant.

As I’m typing this, some roads in Kuala Lumpur are closed and traffic diverted. The picture I saw does seem like a lockdown, which reminds me of scenes in The Siege. And nobody knows how the rally (and counter-rally) is going to turn out tomorrow at 2 pm.

Hii doing his one-man protest in support of Bersih in PJ. He was later detained. -The Malaysian Insider. Story here.

One thing’s for sure, BERSIH 2.0 has gone global. At least outside the country, these folks who gather will not be faced with possible arrests, threats by martial artists, or be called anarchists. Perhaps the best thing is that nobody will get arrested for wearing something yellow. The following listing was obtained from here:

UTC + 12 – New Zealand - http://on.fb.me/jMlCwc
UTC + 10 – Canberra, Australia - http://on.fb.me/kBLI2H
UTC + 10 – Sydney, Australia - http://on.fb.me/j0RzYt
UTC + 10 – Melbourne, Australia - http://on.fb.me/j0rDf1
UTC + 10 – Hobart, Australia - http://on.fb.me/jP0MWL
UTC + 10 – Adelaide, Australia - http://on.fb.me/klaDdS
UTC + 10 – Brisbane, Australia - http://on.fb.me/imhKwv
UTC + 09 – Osaka, Japan - http://on.fb.me/mUGxvB
UTC + 09 – Seoul, Korea - http://on.fb.me/lgB4oQ
UTC + 08 – Manila, Philippines – URL pending
UTC + 08 – Perth, Australia - http://on.fb.me/lihTnU
UTC + 08 – Taipei, Taiwan - http://on.fb.me/mIEOGW
UTC + 08 – Hong Kong - http://on.fb.me/lxYT2E
UTC + 08 – Singapore - http://on.fb.me/l87wNS
UTC + 07 – Bangkok, Thailand - http://on.fb.me/mmyiWc
UTC + 09 – Jakarta, Indonesia – URL pending
UTC + 02 – Egypt - http://on.fb.me/r4fvC2
UTC + 02 – Switzerland - http://on.fb.me/lQq8qB
UTC + 02 – Stockholm, Sweden - http://on.fb.me/kfrxAK
UTC + 01 – Austria - http://on.fb.me/kH9gBn
UTC + 01 – Paris, France - http://on.fb.me/joKlVQ
UTC + 00 – United Kingdom - http://on.fb.me/kQ9fsQ
UTC + 00 – Scotland - http://on.fb.me/kAefYr
UTC + 00 – Ireland - http://on.fb.me/pvu7iJ
UTC – 04 – Ottawa, Canada - http://on.fb.me/kb5OY4
UTC – 04 – New York City - http://on.fb.me/lWrJ8l
UTC – 04 – Washington DC, USA - http://on.fb.me/l9XgH0
UTC – 06 – Chicago, USA - http://on.fb.me/rjGpaq
UTC – 07 – San Francisco, USA - http://on.fb.me/jehClH
UTC – 07 – Los Angeles, USA - http://on.fb.me/iBJgM3

I sure hope everything would go smoothly later. Let’s see if it pans out. I look forward to pictures of the gathering in the cities around the world. You might be thinking why I’m not already in KL. Fact is, I gave the rally a long, hard thought. But I didn’t think I’d afford the trip there and the lodging too. If I’m still receiving my monthly stipend from my scholarship then I’d have typed this in a room somewhere in the city.

And whilst we're fixating on the rally, let us not forget those detained in connection to the rally; particularly the six from Parti Sosialis Malaysia (Socialist Party of Malaysia). I remember asking my friend, "What communism?"

“I would like to thank everyone who is supporting us by the hours, prayers, urgent appeals etc.The 6 of us have not broken any laws and our crime is that we are socialists and we are attempting to put the issues affecting the poorer 60 per cent of Malaysians in the national agenda. eg. Hospital privatisation, minimum wage and decent wages.

Our detention is totally unwarranted and we are working within the democratic framework.“Udahlah bersaralah“ campaign which involves pamphlet distribution and awareness calls for people to think properly for the General Election. The action and activity is totally within the democratic space allowed by Constitution.
Sad to see, higher ups in police unable to differentiate national and constitutional rights from the political party in power. Stand up for democratic rights and let us not allow this kind of intimidation hold us back.

* Dr Jeyakumar Devaraj is the Sungai Siput MP and is currently detained with 5 others under the Emergency Ordinance. His arrest is related to his involvement with the upcoming Bersih rally.

Source: Susan Loone's blog

You might want to read:

Running Scared in Malaysia by former US Ambassador to Malaysia, John Malott

The Faces in Facebook

2011-07-06T23:53:00.003+08:00

Created (again) a Facebook account for myself late last night after I found out that I don’t have a friend’s email address. Somehow, it never got saved automatically like it should each time I replied to a mail. So, like it or not, I have to “get in touch” with this particular guy via Facebook. It doesn’t help that he’s currently in India.

Love the effects on the Facebook logo

Once I got everything set up, I sent a message and went to bed. When I got up this morning, I expected a reply or none at all; considering how busy he gets treating the sick. Instead, I got 22 notifications for friend requests; the first a little after midnight and the last at about six in the morning. Now, you must think I’m somewhat flattered, right? Wrong.

But I was amused. Going through the list, I came across some names that I don’t even know. Seriously. Over the course of the day, I accepted (and added a few) a total of 18 and as I’m typing this, another 19 is awaiting action. Gosh!

I said I was amused because there’s one thing in common among them all. Make no mistake, these are people I know and they’re my friends – in the not-hostile-therefore-friends kind of friends. Sorry I digressed. As I was saying, the one common thing I see here is that these folks have so many friends that even Pavarotti will turn green with envy.

Give me thirty and I’d have a hard time meeting all of them and to catch up with them. We’re talking numbers upwards of 300 here. Three hundred?! Whatever for? I’m going to let you draw the conclusions about them and their friends.

As for me, I prefer the good old way of email (you see, snail mails are too slow and we’re asked to save the trees) and a phone call every now and then. We even have SMS. Not to mention, instant messaging clients too. Already, these new avenues of helping people “keep in touch” are making communications less err... Heartfelt? Now everyone’s into social voyeurism. We care, but only on the latest and juiciest of news. So, someone’s In A Relationship now. Jane Doe is mad with her boyfriend. I mean, even if you want to send your condolences, go to the family, sit down and mourn with them. Look them in the eye and assure them. Not post on the deceased's wall like he or she is going to read it.

I’m not against Facebook or any other social networking sites. It’s just that people learn to take friendship for granted. A relationship isn’t some short binaries nor is it sustained by the number of “Likes” and “Pokes”. True that it’s one way, and a cheap one, to communicate and say hi but there’s where it ends. I’d love to meet and yak over a cuppa. After all, L-O-L means much more than three letters when the optical and auditory nerves pick them up.

One thing that often happens (even in internet forums, mind you) is that texts we read are mere texts. It’s so easy to misinterpret the mood of the author without the intonation and expressions.

Of course , I didn’t want to be part of someone’s listings as just another number. These are mere embellishments by people on a quest to hit some number and most in that listings are either doing the same thing or simply forgotten.

Did I mention that I deeply appreciate the hype created by some friends for my "homecoming" to FB? Great people. Both within and without the net. Three cheers for them!

Did I also mention that I’m still considering if I should be here for just a fortnight and then get out after my initial goal has been achieved?

Letting Go

2011-07-03T02:03:00.003+08:00

It’s been an eventful (or uneventful depending on how you wish to see it) day. I’ve replaced the strings on the guitar and spent some back-breaking time getting it in tune, for now.

Then there’s Youtube. As usual, I have my daily routine of [feather] weights and crunches. Boy, I’ve lost so much weight for the past two months; not that I’m fat to begin with.

As I wind down, I realize that there’s only so much one can do and try as we might, sometimes things just don’t go the way we’d have wished them to go. Be it as it may, we’d take comfort knowing that nothing ever happens by chance or by accident. I know that God is in control. It’s just the matter of yielding to God.

Sometimes, the fist ought to be opened or grip relaxed and we let go what we’ve been holding on to. Only then can we raise our hands in surrender; not admitting defeat, instead, to acknowledge the sovereignty of God.

Whoever said letting go of something or someone is always easy? But if it’s meant to be that way, then we’d have to be gracious about it. I’d like to remind myself, and anyone reading of course, that nothing ever happens by chance. And things occur for a reason, even if we’d never know what it is. Not now.

Thinking of Me: Niceties

2011-07-01T13:30:00.003+08:00

It’s almost lunch time and I left my water bottle at home. Either I’m getting old or my mind’s somewhere else. Or maybe, just maybe, you’re thinking it’s with someone else. All I think of, besides completing my thesis, is me.

I’m thinking whether my being nice and all could mock me one day. I’m thinking whether my being cordial with people could leave me high and dry. Was I being too nice? Should I be glad or feel plain stupid?

Not that I’m looking to change or anything like that. It’s just that I feel that nice people, or in my case nice guys, seems to be on the losing end. Knowing me, some might think I’m too obsessed with nigahiga’s Nice Guys or with Wong Fu Productions’ Just A Nice Guy. Fact is, I loved both the videos and I think there’s some truth in them. Not gospel but a ubiquitous occurrence. I’ll leave it to you to judge but do finish all three parts of Just A Nice Guy even if you hate Asians.

I know all too well about preserving what I have and getting all teary in quiet. I know the feeling of being used and left unappreciated. But I never forget the smiles and thanks I get from being myself, nice. At this point, you’d think I’m looking for recognition and accolades but I’m not. I’ll still do what I can for anyone who’d ask.

Then why feel bad, you might ask? Well, I suppose we can tell when someone behaves differently at different times? Say, Jim calls and texts when he’s bored, lonely, and in some trying situation. Then Jim couldn’t be bothered about you when he’s surrounded by all the good things.

Perhaps, Jim isn’t a very sensitive person and he truly appreciates the help rendered to him. Who knows, Jim isn’t someone who’s used to saying thank you or say something to that effect. After all, Jim is being himself and maybe the next Jim who comes along will be better. Still, there are Jims out there who think only of themselves.

As for me, I hope I’ll know what to do if that day ever comes. Anyway, time to send a friend to the bus terminal. And today's Friday... Movie night! In my room, on my laptop, of course.

Nice Guys finish last? I won't refute that.

Just A Nice Guy - Part 1

Part 2

Part 3

Xanthophobia and a "Dirty" Hashtag

2011-06-30T22:17:00.006+08:00

Whilst the mainstream media is silent over (except to bemire) the BERSIH 2.0 rally, the World Wide Web is abuzz with news and updates on the rally planned for July 9. I no longer have a Facebook account but it seems that the rally’s gained a lot of support; more so after the police began arresting people linked to it.

On Twitter (at least on my update page), the hashtag #bersih appear every 10 minutes or so and looking up the tag updates on Google gave me a hearty laugh. Apparently, everyone has become more aware of what BERSIH is. Even if they don’t, they love poking fun at the way the police handles the situation. That’s because the rally’s T-shirt and anything yellow is considered illegal because they “promote” the rally and “incite” the people to join in.

Here are some that I managed to copy (I didn't go through every post to check for errors) but I must admit that #Egypt gets new post every few seconds:

Yellow Post-It notes will be confiscated on sight. Other colours may be allowed

Bumblebee told 2 lose his colours or "action will be taken within confines of the law."

Publishers & Print designers forced to work with C M K, as Y (Yellow) has been banned.

Lagu hit Coldplay "Yellow" diisytihar haram kerana mempunyai element subversif
[Coldplay’s hit song, Yellow, contained subversive elements and has been declared illegal]

Steve Jobs admitted that #Bersih is the main reason why Apple did not push for a yellow iPhone!

Digi (telco service provider) phone coverage will go down for a day or two because (sic) yellow man (Digi’s mascot) will get arrested for sedition

Saw a group of policemen at the fruits section. Apparently the lemons are under arrest for being yellow

Even the yellow lines on the side of the road in front of my office has (sic) been changed to the colour white

Mother bought unripened bananas yesterday. We’re so worried when they turned yellow this morning

Everyone from Rumah Kuning (literally Yellow House, a grouping based on colour) cannot go for Pendidikan Jasmani (Physical Education)

Ah bengs who like to dye their hair yellow are going be in trouble

Sometimes, our absurdity knows no bound. I suppose everyone else in the world is having a good time reading about it in the papers. At least many now knows what Article 10 of the Federal Constitution is all about. If you'd prefer something else, might I suggest to you the Universal Declaration of Human Rights?

“IS BERSIH A DIRTY WORD?”

More Pakatan lawmakers nabbed for Bersih links

Experts: Bersih T-shirts NOT illegal

This is Me: Take 4

2011-06-27T19:00:00.005+08:00

Having typed so much about what some might call ‘strengths’, I’m not above reproach. Not at all. There are things that I’m not particularly proud of. If we’d just flip the coin over, then we’d see that my sensitivity at times borders on anaphylaxis i.e. hypersensitivity.

Point to note: I’m not led by my over-sensitive nature when I’m talking about the rich.

People tell me that I think too much. And that I’m reading too much into another person’s words or actions. There’s some truth in that since what I think might not be accurate, if not false altogether. At times, I mistook a joke for a criticism. Like when I said I’m fond of little girls and that I hope my first child to be a girl or that a small girl is adorable, I get that yikes-you’re-a-pedophile look. It’s depressing but perhaps, like I said, I misunderstood banter for an attack.

The creative portion of my brain may be a weakness too. That, together with oversensitivity, contributes a considerable amount of daydreaming. As an example, imagine the despair of a dreamer thinking he’s in love and that the feeling is mutual only to have reality shatter the reverie. Whilst I can understand puppy love and crushes, I’m not alluding to those.

Remember I said my peers are sometimes a bane too? I only have myself to blame. At times, I do make comparisons. Never mind if people say we compare to better ourselves. I don’t really buy that since there’ll always be people better. It’ll work until we run out of steam and when that happens, we’d feel inadequate. I know I would. I guess I have to constantly remind myself when it’s time to stop comparing.

I’m not the lazy type but I think laid-back would be apt here. I do get work done but sometimes it’s the last minute rush though the quality would be on par with my other tasks. So, not so much of a self-castigation here. Still, I find myself to procrastinate a lot.

The most ~~obvious~~ readily seen trait will have be my impatience. Mostly, it's got to do with people and my dealings with them. I dislike repeating myself and somehow I get really frustrated to the point of blowing my top. Once or twice and it's fine. I'd try and distill my message so it gets as simple as it possibly could. Alas, not everybody understands or else, I wouldn't have included this paragraph. Maybe, if I could be a wee bit more accommodating? I don't know. If I don't get the results I've come to expect, after waiting for some time of course, then I'd pack up and leave.

Both sides of the same coins and both giving the same value that it’s worth. That is if value can be measured simply by reading what I’ve written about my strengths and weaknesses. But it ain’t that simple right? It’s only after months if not years of knowing someone that we can truly appraise them for what they are.

All in all, I’m Julian. This is me.

This is Me: Take 3

2011-06-27T07:01:00.004+08:00

Somehow, I have asked myself one theoretical question: Will I commit myself to a romantic relationship with a rich girl? Ok, I skipped the part about falling in love but I think falling in love isn’t that big a deal considering what comes after that is the crux of the matter. So, will I?

The easiest answer I’d come up with is that it depends. I mean how many would and could leave their featherbedded life? Often, they’d say they don’t mind as long as... See? There’s always a condition or two. And I’m totally fine with that. As long as the guy has a good, stable job and that he loves her. Love always comes last. What constitutes good and stable? A full-time operator at a, say, car assembly plant? I think they miss out one very crucial line: a job that is able let us live a comfortable life. Which begs the question, what will make life together comfortable? Good food? Expensive apparels?

It appears that it’s not easy to find someone with simple expectations, especially when they’re fortunate enough to be born on a silver platter. To have to slog so hard and to make something work purely to finance her lifestyle would not be worth it. Many well-off gentlemen could have done effortlessly. If it’s a romantic relationship, I’d opt for someone simple; if I may, a peasant girl with a simple outlook on life than a dame with outlandish desires.

Remember the post JRL: Stereotyping A Rich Kid?

This is Me: Take 2

2011-06-26T19:01:00.005+08:00

That brings me to modesty, generosity, and aversion to rich people. Hold your horses. I didn’t say I dislike all the affluent people out there. If it were so, I’d be a sour grape. When I say modest, I’m not restricting myself to one meal a day. I’m modest, not a miser. I’m unwilling to spend a few hundred bucks to get a brace put on my tooth just so my incisor gets pushed a few millimeters inwards. If you don’t already know, I fell and chipped both my [central] maxillary incisors. Somehow, over the years one decided to grow outwards. I do go out for some nice food sometimes and some of the amount goes to some old man at the market.

I remember once when two kind souls offered to support me financially.

“How am I going to repay the both of you?”

“You don’t. When the time comes, do it for another person”, was the reply. I declined the offer. But I truly appreciate the thought.

It’s the same person who lent me a Biology reference book. Something that proved very useful given the fact that I don’t go for extra classes like my friends, or own a few reference books like some snob in school. I tell myself to show such level of compassion, and more, to others in need.

My aversion to rich people? How is it justified? It’s just my simple observation that those in the position to do/change things aren’t doing a dang thing. It’s always the middle-class people who gave the most (if you consider the percentage). And it’s always the same group of people you see in the papers. Well, you do see the rich people too; in a totally different settings. Handing out mock cheque dressed in their best; always inside some glitzy ballroom complete with cocktails, finger foods, and the press. I don’t care very much about all this I’m-richer-than-you affair but it pisses me to see these people flex their wealthy muscle and make the inferior ones do their bidding.

Once whilst on my way back from backpacking to Vietnam, I see this bunch of family kicking up a ruckus at the check-in counter. Well dressed, watches, branded luggage, and the unmistakable swagger. They were raising their voice at the Vietnamese officers in green for reasons only they knew. My guess? Seeing the amount of stuff they had then, I think they were unhappy at being stopped. The matriarch of the family was making her point, and she did it well, in a loud voice and flailing her arms about. And then turn to her husband uttering in Cantonese. Such insolence! I mean, it doesn’t kill you to be polite. And rules are rules, ma’am. The guys in green maintained their composure and tried explaining, only to get Dragon Lady into another tirade. During my time there, the people of Vietnam are to me a humble lot. Quiet. Hardworking. Polite. From the staffs in the bank to the mother and child in Ben Thanh Market. Need I say more?

There are always complaints from these people. Not that they should keep quiet all the time. I myself couldn’t stand bureaucracy too. But some things can’t be helped. Just live with it. And be understanding. You don’t start cussing if your chicken isn’t served in 3 minutes after you’ve placed your orders. When it’s served in the fourth minute, at your demand, you start cussing because it’s pink.

On my many blog hopping trips, I’ve come across both likeable and slap-able people; each on different ends of the divide. On one hand you have some thankful people and on the other you have some people who love partying and complain when things don’t go their way. All are fortunate enough to further their studies abroad.

I’d go on and on but I suppose you understand now, how touchy I can get with this group of people.

This is Me: Take 1

2011-06-26T07:01:00.006+08:00

Today, I set up my stall at the intersection of Reminisce Road and Appraise Avenue. For some unknown reasons, I walked past my usual haunt right in the middle of Reminisce.

All this time, I regaled my friends with stories of school, of childhood, and a little on what growing up was like at home. Whilst experience shapes a person, I couldn’t attribute everything about me directly to it. So, what am I like, really – with or without experience in the equation?

Peaches playing in the background.

Let’s start with music. Something I appreciate (composition and talents) yet deaf when it comes to making music. I guess I’m more inclined to studying the words and meaning of a song together with the mood set by the melodies. Preference-wise, I’m nearly an all-inclusive but it very much depends on my ears. If I say I’m into slower, relaxing ones, I have many power ballads scattered among my playlists. Heck, I even enjoy Green Day!

I remembered being called “old” for my choice of music and the radio station I tune in to every time I drive. So I suppose you get what I meant. This leads nicely to my first persona. Note: I didn’t just grab these adjectives out of the hat. It’s what I’ve been told and affirmed time and again. I’m quite the sensitive type. Sentimental too. I don’t call every person I meet as friends (they are in a non-hostile manner), and my circle of friends are important to me. They’re people I cherish, care deeply for, and the same whom I’d go two miles with, and back. I’d think for them and take into consideration their feelings before springing to action. Farfetched you say?

Math isn’t my favourite subject in school. And I take great joy in writing, both for English and Malay subject. It's an avenue where I'd be able to put down my thoughts, on a piece of paper I may add, but usually in an indirect manner. I'd use a different settings and situations to represent the subject matter. Other times, I'd just put them in a poem. And one thing I've found out about conveying my thoughts this way is that I don't have to see the reader's expressions. I wonder to myself, what causes this cowardice?

Naturally (?), writing also means that I’d bury myself in books to explore the different styles people employ in their work; which was exactly what I did. To digress a little, the flair for writing comes with the willingness to write and some hard work thrown into it too. Over time, I realized I enjoyed history very much; particularly war histories. I’ve always known that history favours the victors and I’ve made it my aim to always turn the coin both sides. As an undergraduate when my peers registered for Management courses, something realistic I may add, I find myself drawn to Archaeology and spent so much time for a semester writing about life in the Angkorian era of Cambodia. It’s a wonder why I studied Entomology (to fill up credit hour requirements) instead of something that’d complement my major, Microbiology. Peculiar?

Speaking of peers, they’re a source of encouragement and other times the bane of my youth. *laughs* Growing up, we’re an impressionable bunch, no? I remember the time when I was brooding over the fact that I couldn’t own a football (or soccer, whichever you prefer) boot (or again, cleat, if you prefer) to play with the bunch of kids in school. So, I settled for street soccer and in the process wearing out my school shoes quicker than my parents would say “Ronaldo”. That’s one of many things that I couldn’t have dreamt of given the circumstances. Not that we’re living below the poverty line but let’s just say that my parents aren’t like the blue guy who lives in a lamp.

This is Me

2011-06-25T19:00:00.006+08:00

It all started with the aim of creating a simple post tackling the oft-asked question in interviews: tell me about yourself. I thought I’d write a little about myself. By the time I’ve finished writing my strengths and weaknesses, I’ve nearly reached the 2000-word mark.

So what I’d do is to try breaking them up into big chunks — but still small enough to be taken in comfortably — yet remain meaningful and cohesive.

I’ll set Blogger to post them automatically at a 12 hour interval.

You might find me rambling on and on like a madman but do bear with me. Enjoy!

I’m Julian. This is me.

Mile Marker 418: Open Houses

2011-06-23T00:18:00.017+08:00

I’ve officially finished my work at the lab and achieved all the project milestones. Until the day I obtained the scroll, I can never be totally free. I still have to go back almost daily to do some [culture] maintenance, cleaning up, and a small but tedious errand – cloning a gene into an expression vector and possible induction of the vector to overproduce a protein which will then lead me to the verification of the protein via SDS-PAGE. ‘Small’ and ‘tedious’ appear to be a gross understatement. It’s a goodwill gesture to my supervisor and something that I’ll give my best to do it.

One a much happier note, I’m looking forward to visiting Firdaus’ family orchard next Tuesday. Fruits! It’d be great if we’d repeat last year’s trip when Kak Mimi and the Kuala Lumpur branch (the Penang 418 being the HQ) members were there.

So, as this topic nears its last stop, I’m posting pictures of the open houses by Kak Mimi, Kitha and Firdaus. Over the years, we’ve stuffed ourselves under the roofs of these gracious host, cut birthday cakes, and fool around in true kampung spirit. But most importantly, we visit one another to celebrate our differences – the Eid, Deepavali and Chinese New Year (I’m not sure who has the pictures of CNY open house). Who’d forget rendang? Or briyani and chapati? Or mandarin oranges, satay, and noodle (sorry, pork wasn’t on the menu as it’s not halal)? And oh, the day out in Taiping Zoo after Kitha's Deepavali open house.

As we hear (again) of racist remarks by some of the most intolerant of people in the country, I take comfort in that the spirit of muhibbah is very much alive as far as we are concerned. Still, I don’t deny that the relationship among the different races took some beating; no thanks to a few bigots frothing at their mouths spewing venom. Wonder why we’re Malay, Chinese, Indians and Others here but Malaysians in the rest of the world.

Someone posted this on Facebook with the same caption. I'll leave it in its original language as I find it funnier that way. No, we weren't fighting.

Julian: pisang tu kat rumah saya.Curi-curi ambik pi goreng, ingat I tak nampak???
Mimi: Itu pisang kami yg beli la..
Kitha: Eh...jadi tak jadi makan lah??

Benevolent Sexism

2011-06-21T00:09:00.003+08:00

That, to some, also means chivalry.

God forbid that we should mistake acts of kindness and empathy for oppression.
When I’m out shopping with my partner, he always carries the heavy bags. He’s stronger than I am. He does it without thinking, and I always acknowledge his help. It’s what people do in relationships.

Mary Schneider's article Is Chivalry Sexist? reminds me of the time in high school, specifically during English lessons, where we'd start a discussion on various issues grouped under what I call the [all-too-common] battle of the sexes.

My little acts of chivalry wasn't directed at my other girl classmates. I mean, there's nothing that needs a second pair of manly hands... Ok, boyish hands. It was the teacher's laptop. Man, laptops produced post-Y2K (not that there weren't any laptops before 2000) were heavy. Anvil-heavy. Or books. Holding the door. You know, those things? I think I made a good impression on Mrs Gan and also the lovely Mrs Doreen.

Now, I'm not the teacher's pet and no, I don't think we have such a thing in school. The teachers and students here share a very special bond. We respect our teachers and they never condescend to us. We spoke at length, we joked and we laughed. And I've learned so much from Mr Ian Howell; from the Russian Tsar to Latin and French. That man is a walking encyclopaedia.

Speaking of school, I think all those titles and special status heaped upon many other schools in the country comes to nought seeing what goes on, on the inside, day in and day out. Alright, I'm being a little biased here but... it's true! LOL!

What about now? I think I'm more aware of who's around me, thanks to Form Six where we have girls joining us (we're from an all-boy school up until Form 5). There are times when the tongue needs a bridle. Or to keep a comfortable distance, physically. No more slaps on the back or a friendly jab at the ribs. Those little things that show respect and quell any uneasiness in the fairer sex.

Guess I'm saying that I'm not the little boisterous ~~bast---~~ brat anymore. A fine, young man I reckon. *stroking my beardless chin* Aha! I'm such a swellhead!

Life in 23.976 FPS

2011-06-20T02:34:00.001+08:00

Faster or slower depending on your gadget. But we're not discussing frame rates here. I can't think of a better title so I figured 23.976 frames per second (on NTSC) would do. Jubilee Project and Wong Fu Productions both make good videos and that actually reminded me of my days before Youtube became so popular. Way back when I'd download files at 3KB/s on a dial-up. It's only the television then.

Mention the name Yasmin Ahmad and I can guarantee you that the first response would be something like, "Oh, the late Yasmin Ahmad. I will miss her great TV commercials!" Yes, her TVCs are that good. I remember the few times when the ads were too much for me.

To put it simply and understate the messages contained inside, they speak out against racism and they show the relationship between people; devoid of rhetorics and superfluous embellishments, both of which are hallmarks of a politician's speech.

I have a folder full of her videos and I'm randomly picking one from Youtube to put it here (search with words like "Petronas", "Yasmin Ahmad"). One thing's for sure, major celebrations like National Day, Hari Raya, Chinese New Year and Deepavali will remind us all of the time when we shed a tear each time the commercials air. And we looked forward for more.

Who'd forget the National Day ad about the three friends who were stung by wasp and accompanied one of them for his circumcision? Or my favourite about how a couple gets all impatient with the invalid man only to learn that their actions are being impressed upon their kids. And oh, she makes good films too. I love Muallaf.

Alright, time to get some shut-eye.

On A Hot Sunday Evening

2011-06-19T17:49:00.000+08:00

...I'm thinking, FREEDOM.

The Rock That Is...

2011-06-18T20:54:00.009+08:00

Did this for a friend some time back. Now when I'm down and out, strangely I felt it's now directed at me. As usual, click to enlarge.

I'm sure many can relate to this: that when things go wrong we start to go into fight-flight mode and refuse to look beyond the quandary we're in. It's just natural to do that; to ask ourselves if there are other solutions. And to come up with one if we haven't already done that.

Then it hit us. Let it be. Let God. Trust him to provide. Scoffers are going to say, "What? Sit and wait?"

I certainly don't mean that. What I'm saying is that whilst we're a fusspot, we have to really bring it all to God and trust Him to do what's best for us. What's more important, to let things fall into place according to His will.

Argh! Let's give it a try shall we? And who knows, in time, we'd be able to proclaim like the psalmist

I will love You, O Lord, my strength. The Lord is my rock and my fortress and my deliverer; My God, my strength, in whom I will trust; My shield and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold.
Psalm 18.1-2

Edit: Someone led me to this. And of course, there are a few others too. What I did was just embed one here. Grace by Laura Story. Enjoy, people!

Jaded J

2011-06-16T23:01:00.008+08:00

The end is in sight. I'm not in some dark tunnel looking straight at the light thinking if it's the way out or the clichéd speeding train heading my way. I can see the finish line. But my leg's wobbly and the firm path has turned miry. Will I find rest?

I've been giving so much and I have absolutely no complaints about it. But acknowledgment of some sort would be rather encouraging so I'd know that none of what was sowed went to the dogs. Even those adorable canines appreciate a morsel of food. I don't think I'll stop being myself but I've been thinking... Will I ever stop caring?

Trust. A five-letter word with five different meanings to five different people of five different ethnicity. To me, it meant nothing more than my willingness to put my confidence, though fallible, in another person and to believe, wish and expect something to come out of them. Man, I have no idea what I'm rambling here. Forgive me.

I'm not exactly feeling like I'm on top of the world right now.

All these might just be rhetorical as I may have the answers yet, chose to welter in the ocean of thoughts. Anyone up for a song though Christmas is still a good six months away?

Be blessed, people! Be careful of burnout. Let's look forward to the weekend.

Strangers, again - Stages of a Relationship

2011-06-14T00:53:00.003+08:00

This is a short film by Wong Fu Productions. They make some of the nicest videos on Youtube. Some hilarious and some, inspiring. The first time I watched this, I told myself, "Hey, I can totally relate to this one." And it's true that the early stages of a romantic relationship is the sweetest. But as they say, the spark starts the flame and it's up to us to keep it alive.

To those who are reading this, please don't take my word for it. Watch it.

Since I'm too free (it's past midnight now but like I said before, I love this hour), I've extracted some lines that I thought is true of each stage. At least, in my opinion, they are.

Stage 1:

I didn’t tell her that it was my first time running in about nine months and somehow, we ended up going for almost five miles that day. It’s so pathetic to see how guys would do just about anything for the right girl

Stage 2:

All I wanted was to know more about her.
All I wanted to do was to hang out with her.

The only person I wanted to talk to was her.
She was the number one priority.

And every time I saw her, butterflies.

She was everything that I thought could be perfect in a girl...

Stage 3:

Everyone calls it this, and for good reason.

Stage 4:

Some use it positively, continuing to work at their relationship and grow together, but others allow it to create distance.

Stage 5:

Somehow, the girl I was so crazy about a year ago had turned into someone who just wasn’t that special anymore. It happened so gradually that I didn’t even see it coming but there we were, just tolerating each other.

Stage 6:

Problems continue, arguments don’t get solved… I don’t even really remember what we argued about...

Stage 7:

And this is when the two of us will start a new path, one that leads right back to where we started, strangers.

Anniversary note:
This is to remind you of how hard you fell for me when we first met. Haha. Josh, I’m so glad we have each other in our lives. I know that no matter what, we’ll make it through; and we’ll always have a tomorrow together. Happy Anniversary!

Closing:
I think that if life separates us and we end up in totally different places, I’ll always remember when our paths aligned for this period of time… And I’ll be thankful for that. I hope that wherever you are, you’ll be thankful, too. I think that’s the best we can wish for.

Mile Marker 418: Puerile Vainglory

2011-06-12T13:23:00.004+08:00

When I think of false pride and the exaggeration thereof, I can only think of the self-expression of cuteness involving the gang. Let me explain. It was a rather recent (recent being about a decade or slightly more) phenomenon that we see the 'V' sign making its appearance in photographs. If we see it as a victory sign among rebels in war-torn regions in the world (some raise their fists) or a victory salute, now we have it next to the face and the face usually belongs to a girl.

So, besides the V sign (or 2), I've seen 1, 5 and even 2 to the second power (2^2). I'll let you imagine how those were placed. As far as our being vain is concerned, it all began with this:

Yen Ying, final year undergraduate. Honours year if you'd like.

Somewhere, someone somehow came up with this bright idea of getting everyone to pose in the same manner and then get everyone on Facebook to vote for a winner. In no time, everyone submitted their shots and it's not without variation to the original pose. I never thought my picture would see the light of day, so to speak.

Here goes. Some pictures are not in there due to some reasons (you know what I mean). As always, click to enlarge:

Edit: June 13, here's a video by Wong Fu Productions on the evolution of the "Peace" sign. Entertaining but lengthy.

And oh, since Keng Chong had too much free time then, he did these too:

Mile Marker 418: More Food and the Silly Things We Did

2011-06-10T22:50:00.004+08:00

Before this one, the last barbeque I had with my friends were during high school back in ’04. Now, it appears that five years isn’t a very long time considering how fast I’ve reached 2009 and my next outdoor open grill.

It was about 6 pm that time and preparations were underway. Some pieces of chicken were missing and we're glad we found the culprit.

Many were called (for audtion) but few were chosen. These are the ones who... Let's just say they weren't shortlisted.

Mash potato was a hit. Oh yeah! Two years on and they're still talking 'bout it.

Realise this: That back then, everyone was well-fed. It's different now.

See? Good food for everyone. Dude in yellow is Kiourmasi from Iran.

You see, we're really a very well-behaved bunch. Good mannered and a jolly bunch of young adults.

That was until I decided to wet my hair, tucked in my T, roll up my pants, and started greeting everyone with a lisp.

And boy, did Keng Chong and Wendy loved the idea of going back in time and followed suit.

Oh, those stick in our hands were the famed satay!

Looking back at all these pictures never, I repeat, never, fails to cause a smile on my face that will almost always progress to an uncontrollable laughter. Something similar to this:

I suppose that's all for now. And the journey's nearing its end. Movie night in about 10 minutes. I better make my bed and jump right in.

Mudslide, Mountains, and A Mustard Seed

2011-06-09T02:35:00.004+08:00

It’s just past 2 A.M. and I love the quiet of such hour. As much as I love staying up and croon to the melody of Jose Mari Chan’s Beautiful Girl, I’m aware of the effects of messing up my circadian rhythm.

So, I was out on another excursion to the blogs of total strangers. I love the different styles of writing that I encountered along the way. That, coupled with the stories told, made for a good read; if not inspiring and heart-warming. It’s so nice to see how close a parent-child relationship is from merely a sentence to how involved and supportive parents are in the next.

Initially, I meant for this post to be about Dante and Beatrice on unrequited love but thanks to a bandwidth well spent, I’ve come to realize that matters of the heart is infinitesimal compared to what people went through in their life.

I learned (from HERE) of one man (Tow Shung, Tan) who persisted in his fight against cancer to the very end but remained optimistic throughout. What would I do if I were him? Maybe I’d wallow in the mud of self-pity and get up, only to return into the pits again.

Another is about another man (David Ting) who began blogging during his treatment of cancer and he has been blogging ever since. One per day.

That reminds me of something I read about Polycarp and Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego; different outcomes yet the same display of faith to an ever faithful God. I might have missed the big picture and the important lesson in faith, and faith in God alone.

Resolution?

Mile Marker 418: Birthday Bashes

2011-06-07T17:17:00.010+08:00

Besides movie nights and open houses, birthday bashes are filled with a lot of laughter and crazy stuff. You only need one person to start the whole affair of getting-cream-on-the-fella-next-to-you or drop-candle-wax-on-skin and there'll be chaos!

Since I can't possible post 50 over photos, I've found a nice feature in Picasa Web Album that enables me to embed a slideshow here. Too bad though, I couldn't put a longer (and possible better) captions to every photos. I suppose I have to sacrifice that for space. Still, it's regrettable.

Ah, 2011 will be the last time we celebrate anyone's birthday. This December 31 being the last birthday bash. Well, time to look at past celebrations. From my very first celebration (with a ridiculously creative way of filling a small salad bowl with vegetable) to the longest (lunch, dinner and supper) incorporating the Christmas gift-exchange by the beach.

Mile Marker 418: Engagement and Wedding

2011-06-05T18:03:00.015+08:00

Let's continue, shall we?

Of the many outings the gang had, our boss' wedding is perhaps the one event that's big in every sense of the word and one where almost everyone went. As of 1 June 2011, Dr Normi is a one-month-old mother. The first Malay wedding for many of us (more here and here) and Shameem's engagement an Indian Muslim affair. Not sure where the pictures of her wedding went.

Wedding's in Sungai Siput and engagement's at Sungai Petani.

Dressed to kill. Except for Joanne.

Introducing, Firdaus, Shi Rou and Kithalakshmi.

The bride. Shout-out to Wen Tyng, Erna, Wui Chen, Boon Ping (dude behind Kak Mimi) and Kelvin (the other dude on the right). Too bad, Blogger don't have the "tag" feature.

The celebrated couple

Shameem's engagement: Sinan (of the lab) and Ahmad from the Middle East. Amira on the right.

Hmm... I'm not sure who the dude in red is.

Still, every time we went out we'd be stuffed. Don't you just love Malaysia?

Mile Marker 418: Tandoori at Kapitan

2011-06-04T22:42:00.002+08:00

The first in the series of outings with the gang. Food is always the goal in every outing. In fact, I can't remember if there ever was a time when we went out without a makan-makan (eating) session being planned. Here, we're joined by a handful of people whilst the others are MIA.

Gaik Ling and Keng Chong (this guy who owes me my car maintenance fees *LOL*)

Kak Mimi and Joanne. Much-loved kak besar (in age *winks) of the lab and the blur final year project student

Xiao Wei (fyp) and Nur Asyura. One broke the measuring cylinder and the other seems to attract a lot of unwanted attention and much teasing. Syura, bila kahwin?

Keat Lay. The second in line after big sister Mimi. Burned out from too much error-prone PCR.

Yours truly. Needs no caption, yes?

The only picture with the food captured. It should be eaten with the hand, girl.

In total, we've patronized this outlet opposite Queensbay Mall no less than 5 times. Lunch, tea, dinner, and supper inclusive. Food and a lot of laughter. Priceless.

Mile Marker : 418

2011-06-04T19:51:00.006+08:00

As I've deleted my Facebook account many moons ago, I have downloaded most of the pictures of the lab to my computer. Those pictures need a good storage and each time I look at them, it never fails to make me laugh.

October 2008: that was two months after the convocation and I'm there every other day to maintain culture and hang around. I worked in the same lab, too, during my undergraduate final year project. It was rather empty then.

I officially registered as a postgraduate student in 2009 but by then, the ice has melted. And little did I know, we're going to gel and become a very cohesive bunch in the days to come. Over time, we're joined by other final year project students. I see them as my equal and I detest the term "juniors", used to describe those a year or more younger. So, they're friends and I address/reference them all by their name.

As I near completion in my studies, I'd like to put up a series of posts with pictures of some of the best days in an institution driven by greed and power. It's these guys and gals — each with a truly unique personality — that made life more bearable then. To have crossed path with them is a blessing. It is.

Dreaming Realistically

2011-06-04T04:04:00.001+08:00

This entry's from a total stranger. Discovered it on one of my trips when I mope around the net delving into other people's thoughts.

This one's from Something Crabby Shares

We were told since young that we should be realistic...
We were told to choose to study something realistic so that we can get a job in future...
We were told to choose a career that's realistic so that we can earn enough money...
So, we listened.
We start to be realistic.
We stop to dream big.
We told ourselves it was impossible.
We stopped pursuing what we once believe in.
We told ourselves we should stick with what's realistic.
So...guess what we turn out to be?
We turn out to be EXACTLY what we were told - REALISTIC.
We buried our big dreams deep in a corner of our heart.
We got a realistic job like what we have been told.
We end up with the so-called realistic future.
Ever wonder....
What will happen...
If we didn't listen to what others define as realistic, but continue to pursue our DREAM instead?

Stalking to Know You

2011-06-03T20:47:00.014+08:00

A play on the title of the song Getting to Know You from Rodgers and Hammerstein’s musical, The King and I. Well, I love going from one blog to the other and reading what people write. You’d be surprised that you’re able to learn about that person simply by looking at the style of writing and the tone thereof.

Whether it’s a friend’s or a stranger’s, I do get inspired sometimes. And those were uplifting moments. But then, am I a stalker just by doing that? I’d ask if I want to know but who’s there to answer it? Would you simply open up to a stranger? It’s difficult sometimes when others take your motives the wrong way.

Here are some things worth reproducing by a friend who uses MS Paint, mind you. Click on image to enlarge.

Future. (from shwann: anything and everything)

Kung Fu (from shwann: anything and everything)

Yours truly. Dang! This one looks like it's painted halfheartedly

I Miss You. Missing Me. (from shwann: anything and everything)

Shall we all now sing to the tune of Getting to Know You?

Getting to know you,
Getting to know all about you.
Getting to like you,
Getting to hope you like me.

Getting to know you,
Putting it my way,
But nicely,
You are precisely,
My cup of tea.
:

For the clip, please click HERE.

Cheers on a Friday night. Back to blog-hopping.

My Biggest Regret in Life

2011-06-03T14:15:00.010+08:00

No, this ain't about my regret. Gotcha! It's another video by The Jubilee Project to raise funds for Services for the UnderServed (SUS). Amp up your speakers and enjoy!

Ask yourself this, what is the biggest regret in your life? What would you have done? Come to think of it, what's my biggest regret in life? Echoing the guy at 3:03 maybe?

Reality Check

2011-06-02T17:17:00.004+08:00

If the analytical scale needs calibration and correction factors determined each time a GC column is replaced, then I need a reality check too. I've risen too far, on a trip sustained purely by reverie. Time to return to solid ground, maybe?

Well, they say birds of the same feather...